In case you were wondering, I ended up getting two hours of sleep after my last post. I've gotten more sleep since then though, so now I'm more coherent. yay!
I've been on a bit of an Oscar Wilde kick for the past couple of days. I had been rereading some parts of Dorian Gray and I wanted to read up on him, and I discovered the history of the Aesthetic movement in England in the second half of the 1800s. First off, Oscar Wilde would have been fun to go out to dinner with. Plus the Picture of Dorian Gray is brilliant, so there's that. You know, I think what I think is so incredible about Wilde is that he embodied the aesthetic movement so well that it effectively ended when he was jailed after being put on trail for sleeping with another man. His jailing basically caused the end of an entire social movement because he wasn't there anymore to keep fueling it. The Aesthetic philosophy is really provocative and it actually makes a lot of sense. It basically consists of the ideas that life should not be about rationality of decisions but rather maximizing the experience of one's own existence, and that art should not convey a message but provide as much pleasure and beauty as possible, and I'm not gonna lie, it's all pretty captivating.
I obviously did not take those pictures.
I think I might just publish under the name Loch, instead of using Alexandra. It's easier and I find myself liking it more and more. I wrote last night (yayayayayayyy) and hopefully I will again tonight- I work today but I'm covered an afternoon event so I probably won't be in the newsroom for forever. Also, this morning I decided for sure that I wanted to work at the LA times and live in Cali. Then this afternoon I covered a speech and walked away thinking about how I really definitely wanted to work as a journalist in India and cover the social justice movements that are happening there right now. What is going onnnnnnn
"It is absurd to divide people into good and bad: people are either charming or tedious."
ps i have a really hysterical joke. you think I'm being sarcastic but the best part is I'm not, i literally laughed for like three minutes without stopping after i heard this. are you ready? okay, what's brown and sticky?
Fuck this, I'm not sleeping anytime soon. Remind me why I signed up to go to college? A degree does not look as good as snuggling up in my bed and not having to wake up at seven, fuck. Might as well blog, not like I'm getting to sleep any earlier anyway. If I weren't doing this I would be distracted via facebook creeping, at least this is productive.
I wish I could explain to you the way I've felt the past couple of days. I went home, remember? Probably since Thursday I keep thinking of things to write and it's the most frustrating thing in the world because I haven't had time to actually get anything down tangibly. I've had to wait to get stuff down on paper and I have so much in my head right now that I wish could not be in my head anymore, my mental filing system is getting too full. I work tomorrow and I have an essay to write tomorrow night so I won't be sleeping then either (yay) but hopefully wednesday I'll get some time to chill and write down everything swirling around in my mental space. Like, major plot developments and character developments. ughghghghgh college is screwing with my career, is this not supposed to the other way around? :( Home was weird but not in a bad way. I misjudged some things. I miss everyone in Plano all over again. Every time I leave it feels more and more like routine, and I feel like my Plano life and my Austin life are morphing together in some respects, which is most definitely not a bad thing. I'm going back in a month for Thanksgiving so we'll see how that goes. I kind of wish I'd gotten what I went for, though. Better luck next time, I guess. Not everything can always go my way. I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted :( I've just been so busy, you know. I don't remember when I posted last, but Thursday I was sick and thought I was working but then I wasn't and I "took a nap" at 6:30 in the evening... and woke up from my nap at 9 am. It was beautiful. Then, of course, I ran around all day and went home and drove around Plano all weekend then came back and then today has been oversleeping through sociology then writing a limerick (which was really fucking hard) and going to poetry then holing myself up working on stupid schoolwork. I am sorry I am so whiny, I just haven't gotten as much sleep lately as I would have liked. Also, the whole bus ride back to Austin I listened to Kid Cudi and Drake and I am obsessed. They are beautiful.
Every single one of those pictures was taken at 2:40 in the morning alone in the study room because it's so late that the library is already closed and no one else is awake because it is 2:40 in the freaking morning, unless they are in my 8 am journalism class, in which case they will all be awake until class starts just like me. I have given up on sleeping at all, ever. Please be jealous of me, it is the proper response. Kid Cudi is on repeat. His logic, what the fuck? I believe what I'm doing is called "vibing." Is that what the kids call it? Do you need weed to vibe? I don't have any. This would probably be more fun if I were high, though.
"In the end they'll judge me anyway"
This is where I am honest. I love you, please love me, Loch.
Right now I am sitting in PCL "studying for my bio test" and "working on my journalism project." Which really means I am sitting at a cubicle sipping coffee and trying to convince myself that skimming NYTimes.com and working on chapter two counts as doing actual work. Sometimes I kind of forget what you're supposed to do in college? Whatever, it worked out pretty well for me in high school. I wish a journalism major didn't require me to learn so many things that aren't journalism. Will it really effect my reporting skills if I don't know anything about the evolution of vertebrates? I'm not really sure how the stuff I'm cramming into my head right now applies to anything in later life, and honestly, studying for it feels a lot more like wasting my time than working on my second chapter, or blogging, or digging out my violin and figuring out if I can still play after a month. I can understand where my sociology class would apply because of the medias effect on the public and things like that, but if I don't take an anthropology class before I graduate, will it really kill me? I guess I'm just confused, because I was pretty sure college was supposed to prepare me for later life, but a lot of times I feel like a required fine arts class, while interesting enough, is taking away from time and money I could be spending on becoming a world renowned journalist/novelist. I'm not asking a lot. Maybe just a current events class instead of a history class would be nice. I get it, history repeats itself, I've heard it before, but I'd just like something I can, you know, actually apply to my profession. And it's even more frustrating since I already have a job as a reporter, and granted it's at UT's newspaper (we're not technically affiliated with the university, but we still have to avoid pissing them off and stuff), but still. I would rather just go to work at DT, go home and work on my novel and be done with it. I just get this weird feeling sometimes that I'm taking actual classes solely for the purpose of being able to work for the paper and get some good writing material/some decent language classes. That's just not how I thought college would make me feel.
I wrote this earlier for my poetry class, it's unedited and it follows the Fibonacci sequence:
every night thinking
thoughts that do not need to be thought while they would rather
just go to sleep at a normal time for once instead of worrying about nothing.
I'm going home again this weekend. Some interesting things have been planned. I'll hit you guys up later! love,
ps. Those picture were taken at the university that I thought I would be at right now this time last year.
pss. WHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH this is post number 69 ;D
Oh my God so much progress I am in such a good mood oh my God.
So I'm trying to write this in order. Right now it doesn't have a name, but it's the thing I was talking about that's going to mesh with three? Anywho, I notoriously suck at writing in a logical sequence, like I'm really bad at it. Kind of like I'm bad at doing anything at all in a logical sequence ever. So I was working on chapter two (I actually know what chapters things are now oh my goodness I'm so excited) and I got to a point where I didn't know what was going to happen, and you wanna know what I did?
I FIGURED IT OUT I FIGURED IT OUT ALL BY MYSELF IN A LOGICAL SEQUENCE ME, I FIGURED IT OUT
I think I am not only making progress on this project, but on my writing skills, as well. :D
(And I'm using a lot of dialouge. OMG.)
I cannot express how much I love you through a blog, I will dedicate my first novel to you. LAHVE loch :D
Oh herro there! I didn't drink anything caffeinated today so I've been a little spacey. This morning was entirely disorienting- I set my alarm for 10 pm, as opposed to 10 am, apparently, and I woke up forty minutes late for class. I have too much to do before I go home this weekend, eckkhhh, and I'm trying to do a lot of it right now but I can't concentrateeeeeeee
Today I wrote a little bit, same with last night. No legitimate progress to report on, but the ball is indeed rolling, however slowley. I don't know how this tumblr thing is gonna go though, hahh. We'll see.
Earlier in poetry we had to compare ourselves to an object, and this is what I wrote- I am a book. Upon immediate inspection, I am nothing but a weakly presented title page and a tough binding. At this point, many turn and leave. Few will discover how easily how I open up. I will never go and find you myself but I will always welcome you with open arms. I am not prejudiced- I love everyone the same. Words are my purpose for being. I exsist solely for the purpose of revealing every facet and secret- the only catch is that you have to ask. I am sorry that it's short/not a poem :(
I want desperately to be on the beach right now, I cannot even explain to you. I was looking at old pictures from a school trip and I just want my ridiculous hair back so I can throw it up in a bun and walk along the side of the water. I don't understand why I don't live there right now. oh em gee.
transport me, or love me. I will accept either. lahve, loch.
I'm sorry it's been so long :( :( I'm doing laundry right now and I have another 34 minutes until I can go to sleep. Which really isn't all that big of a deal, because I literally didn't wake up until three in the afternoon today, but still. I'm super congested and I haven't been sleeping well lately so I need to take some nyquil before I go to sleep, and I really don't want to oversleep. Complain Complain Complain. Eckh. I've been having issues concentrating lately. Like, I have this long list of things to do and I can't seem to do any of them. I don't know whats up with my psyche. So many projects before I go home this weekend. I am writing right now. Do not be alarmed.
By the way, Far East Movement is blowing my mind. Obsessed. I also apologize for the absurdly short length of this post and the lack of picture. :( I swear on all seven harry potter books that I will post again tomorrow <3 lahve loch.
Now I know what you're thinking. It's probably along the lines of "whut the daunch, allie, way to be loyal," except maybe not with the word daunch, because I think I'm the only one that says that. This morning, a columnist from the new york times came to speak at my journalism lecture, and long story short, I realized that journalist me and novelist me have kind of been battling for this blog lately, so I decided the best way to solve the problem would be to give journalist me it's own blog. That way I can focus this one entirely on novelist me and everyone will be happy. If you're interested, you can reach the other blog at kolechtaiswriting.tumblr.com.
Right now I'm sitting in the union with a half eaten tray of honey barbecue wings from wendy's waiting to go to listen to the guy who wrote the screenplay for Milk give a talk to RadioTelevisionFilm/QueerStudentsAlliance kids. I have literally not had a moment to breathe this week, except yesterday, which I spent sleeping and watching hulu to recharge my dwindling mental battery. There's been so much running around and waiting desperately for phone calls and typing ridiculously quickly and worrying about completely useless panels and berating myself for not taking more spanish in high school. Eckhh. Luckily, tomorrow will consist of an hour long discussion section and that's it. I can devote the rest of the day to whatever I want, which will be mostly studying/writing :)
I am going to go get in line for the talk I'm covering. I hope you all have beautiful evenings. -Loch :)
I'm writing this as I sit in the West mall waiting for A) a Native American festival to be over so I can interview participants and B) a guy from the Texas Higher Education Coordinating Board to call me back with some one I can interview. There's always so much waitinggg. It's a really nice day out, though. Maybe a little warm, but whatever, I live in Austin, and there's kind of a breeze and I'm in the shade so it doesn't really matter anyway. I haven't blogged in a while. Or I guess, this is kind of a normal break between blogs? Because I blog a lot more than most people, but for me it seems like it's been weeks. It's probably actually been what, like four days?
I've written an assload. Like, so much. I went back and did some edits on the revision of 3 that I started earlier in the semester, lengthened it and made it more readable (hahh) and while I've basically got the plot lined up in my cranium, I feel more comfortable if I can go back and look at it so I don't forget? So I've been trying to organize it in a document. Everythings really lengthened and I've added on a lot and things are started to move like legit. Like, more legit than they have in a while. This isn't me starting a novel, this is me writing one. legit legit legit. Of course, it's clearly not yet Barnes&Noble material. But still.
I deleted a blog I wrote the other day and I regret it. I didn't save it anywhere, or else I would repost it. I'm sorry. :( I wasn't sure if it was something I should leave up, at the time. I would post more poetry but I haven't had any assignments. This week is for our portfolio consultations, so I'll let you know how that goes. I edited the one from a few posts ago and it's better now, thank goodness. This weekend was fun! In case anyone was curious how that went. I made friends. Yay! I bought earrings made out of Polish coins and a ring made out of a nickel from Singapore. Legit. Too much so to quit, I would think.
<3 @ all of you and every facet of your personality, always, loch.
ps. to the people who understand the picture- can we go back soon? I'm okay with the forest/plumbing. Sort of. But I liked the sleeping bags... ;) Also, I feel like I already posted that picture somewhere in this blog, and I know it's already on Kay Elle's blog, but frankly, I'm running out of pictures. Everyone knows I'm not a photographer, let's be honest here.
pss. I wish I knew how to change the backround on this thing.
psss. I should start posting ps's in the actual text of the blog. <3
Yesterday's post was generally confusing and I've basically gotten over it, mostly because I had this weird moment last night while I was sitting on the floor of my dorm room texting a friend from back home and I realized that it literally didn't matter at all, or if it did then it's for the better. Essentially what's happening is what I wanted to happen in the first place, so I'm going to go against my nature and chill out for once in my life and let things happen as they will. I'm sorry if I was a monster bitch to you at any point yesterday, I was in a really weird mood. I don't really have a lot to say, but there's that. I've been listening to Shakira on repeat for basically the past twelve hours and I think I might be a little obsessed. That is a picture of what I desperately wish the weather was like. Come on Austin, you're getting there. I'm wearing a long sleeve shirt today and it's still a little chilly outside!
Writing is interesting at the moment. Characters are interesting. More on that later. I know I always say more later, but I swear I'm being sincere. I'm reading this really good book called Let Me In by John AjvideLindqvist. It's about some vampires but it's Swedish so I can forgive that.
I gotta go, I should be making phone calls for some stories right now. I love you, I love everyone, I love you most. always and forever, loch.
That is a picture of my desk. It's where everything happens, and it's where I've spent the past half hour or so, staring at the computer screen and trying to figure out how to put what I want to say into words. I should definitely be doing my poetry homework right now, but obviously I'm not. When I went back home this weekend, I realized that the things I missed weren't the things I thought I would miss, and the things I don't miss at all are the things I thought I would miss the most. Things are a little bit topsy turvy, and Plano didn't really change while I was gone, but things weren't how I remembered them.
I wish I could be explicit and tell all sorts of stories about what happened this weekend on here, but I can't because people I know read this, and that's what kills me. Like, I have to keep my mouth shut. I'm not good at that. You know what I think would be great? If everyone could just say exactly what they want. I wish there weren't social rules. Wouldn't it make life so much easier if you could just be blunt? Like, instead of beating around the bush, you could just shove people into it? Because I've gotta be honest, I'm sick and fucking tired of walking on eggshells around certain people. Really, I am. Whats the worst is that no matter how much I desperately try to dislike someone, I'll still get super excited the next time I see them. I just really love everyone I meet and I can't help it and it sucks because I want to believe some people are douchebags, because they are, but for some reason I forget. For once I just want to say exactly what I'm thinking. Why does that have to be so difficult? I know exactly what I want and what I want to say, so why is it not okay to say it?
I really just want to crawl back up into my top bunk and nap and forget about some people but I know I won't because my memory functions similar to that of an elephant and I don't think I could sleep right now if I tried. The trouble is, really far down, I don't think I want to forget.
In case you were curious, that picture is literally my senior year of high school. I know I'm in college now, but I felt like at some point it needed to be posted. <3 This weekend I came home for the first time since I left on August 20th. It's October 2nd so it's been a little less than six weeks since the last time I sat on the floor of this room and typed, and since I got here last night it hasn't at all been like I thought it would, but literally nothing has changed since I moved.
Okay, like I get it's only been a month and a half. But I thought that the relationships I have with the people I was close to over summer would seem different now that I've been gone for a while and their lives have moved on? Except last night I visited my cici's, and I realized I had been completely wrong. Literally nothing has changed, except maybe my two best friends. Which is comforting in some ways, and something else in others. I guess what I realized is, I didn't miss anything? But now that I'm back it occurs to me that there are weird little things about Plano (my hometown, if I've never named it before. It's just north of Dallas) that I love for stupid reasons. Like, I love the park by my house. I love blaring stupid pop music with the windows down at night when I'm alone in my dad's car. I love my dad's car, because I named it Rodney. I love my dad's painstakingly slow driving and stories about the past that I've heard three times. I love the backseat of my best friend's car, the racetrac by my house, and the llama farm down the street. I love my job and my boss's creepy but hilarious jokes. I love the sonic on 15th and Custer, and getting creamslushes there because for some reason it wouldn't feel right getting them anywhere else. I love the shopping center on the northeast corner of Park and Coit, because it's my weird chill spot and I've worked basically everywhere. I especially love that creepy little building on the corner across from woodburn corners on Park [very few know why... ;) ] I feel like this is something I would have to turn into a poem for my poetry class. It was just strange driving down the street because I realized how many stories I have for basically everywhere in Plano. Like, it was the first time I felt affection for it in that way. I'm pretty sure that if I were old and my children were in the car, I would have bored them to tears with stories they didn't care about.
I guess it's nice being home for the weekend. If you're reading this and you live here, I'll be in p town until Sunday night and you should probably hit me up, maybe. Chances are I want to see you, despite what you may think. I got three new books today! I borrowed two of them, but still. I LOVE YOU -loch