The Downlow

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austin, texas, United States
aspiring writer, English and journalism student, hails from Texas. likes include writing, coffee, books, whisky and people.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

leave all your lovin behind

I hate making decisions,
but decisions have to be made.

I'm typing this on my new b&n nook. The pictures aren't mine, and were added in later.


"Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
-Edgar Allen Poe

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

what did it ever do for me?

On the subject of lying,

I think, depending on your level of affection for someone, it is inevitable that you are going to have to lie to them. You're not always going to be able to live your life the way they want you to, and you can't do that if you want to be happy, but the point is to let them think that you're doing things their way. If you really care about a person, lie, cheat, steal, and humour them by leading them to believe that you don't, and that way you can both have peace of mind. 

Priorities are shifting, writing comes first as per usual, among other things. I wrote last night and I wrote today, things are coming along quite nicely.
Also, I work at cici's again and literally nothing has changed. Working there is like riding a bike, you can leave for months and come back and remember everything. It's actually a little strange, but nice to know that if all else fails, I have a minimum wage job to come back to which I am relatively good at. 
I'm gonna go shower and catch up on some episodes of L&O:SVU that I missed this semester. My dad didn't tape the Los Angeles one, I'm sad :( It's prob not high quality, but it's Law and freaking Order. The day the original series went off the air was a giant two steps back for mankind. 
I can never seem to make up my mind about anything, and this time I have a feeling it's gonna bite me in the ass sooner rather than later.
I love love love you,

Saturday, December 18, 2010

money so bright

I'm sitting on the floor of my bedroom in Plano right now, slowly waking up even though it's a little after three in the afternoon and wondering when I'm going to have time to sit down and write. I am considering trying to wake up at a decent time tomorrow, and by that I mean before noon. 
My first semester of college is over and that is very, very weird. I decided the other day that I want to stay in Austin over summer to work at the paper and take summer school, and I realized that means that this is going to be the longest I stay in Plano for at least a year if not longer. I don't really have a lot to say other than that. Yesterday I daydreamed of the money I'll have and the books I'll write and then I remembered I'm probably going to live in a box sized apartment and eat canned beans. 
I guess this blog doesn't have a whole lot of a point, but i missed you. 

p.s. at some point I want my house to look like this,

Monday, December 13, 2010

are you brave enough?

I should be studying for my bio final right now but instead I'm listening to my iPod on blast in the hallway of my dorm and trying to imagine the point in my life when my throat/ear won't hurt like a bitch anymore. 
Yesterday I surfed deviantart for a few hours and found some interesting shit. I don't usually go on there but I had heard from some friends into art that it's good for inspiration and I wanted something to distract me from studying, and I'm not a very visual person but I found some pictures that embody a few of the characters I'm using really well, and it actually might change around a few sections of the first four chapters of the project I'm working on, which are the chapters I have written/am working on writing/am currently editing. It's a lot more to work with, you know? It's not what I had originally planned for plenty of my characters to look like (I found visuals for four of them, to be specific) but it's a lot more accurate than I could have guessed and now that I have something to print out and look at while I write, it's going to make things a lot easier on me. Also, I just realized this project doesn't even have a name yet. I mean, 3 and Oddcouple didn't either, but they had file names. I guess I can just call this one FinalDraft, because that's the computer application I'm writing it on. It's the fancy script writing software that I don't really need and spent an assload of money on earlier in the semester.

I cannot stop listening to Katy Perry. I am obsessed with her and her pinup revival. 

I am writing for you,

ps. I think some people who started reading my blog more recently don't realize this, but the purpose of Classy and Lit is to document my novel writing. Just throwing that out there, letting it float,

pss. Texas girls are where it's at.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

roman cavalry choirs

Tonight was spoiled by a mysterious illness that has infiltrated my throat. Not that it was going to be particularly fabulous either way, but it could have been filled with bio cramming as opposed to phone calls with the UT 24 Hour Nurse Line and Tylenol PM. The first picture reminds me that I am not the only person awake late at night, the second one is what winter should and does not look like in Austin, and the third doesn't have a reason.
I played around with the layout a little bit and I don't think I like it. I'm going to fool around with it more later.
I'm sorry my posts have been so short lately,

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

along the eastern shore

my internal clock is busted.
That is a photograph of what I want my house to look like when I hit the point in my life during which I lock myself in my home and do nothing but write. None of these pictures are mine, again, but I have a feeling they're more enjoyable than a multitude of photos of my smiling face.
I want ambient lighting and time to think. This morning I took an exam then went back to sleep and woke up to a phone call at 3:30 pm. I'm not sure what I've eaten but I just went out and bought some cheese sticks and some red bull and I'm spending tonight cleaning my dorm before going to sleep only to wake up early tomorrow for a doctor's appointment that I'm absolutely dreading and the beginning of a weekend that isn't really a weekend at all.
Yesterday I figured out exactly what course my life is going to take.
I am obsessed with my career. If you knew me in high school, I haven't changed in terms of how I can go into "newspaper mode" (a phrase coined by close friends) as quickly as you can say "print is dying." But this really intense feeling always overwhelms me when I hear friends say that they don't know what they want to do. It's something similar to regret, maybe? A weird inverted nostalgia? Either way, sometimes I wish I wasn't sure either so I could go through college like everyone else, unsure and discovering themselves. Maybe I still have something to discover. 
More editing and trying to figure things out. Things are going, slowly but going going going.
You are my favorite.
ps. I am the real Loch Ness monster.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

my eyes can't believe

my vision is steadily becoming clearer.

I think she knows

This morning I woke up happy and in a ridiculous amount of pain. My head has never throbbed so thoroughly.
Things are beginning to clear up and I feel like I'm beginning to really, completely settle into my college life, which is great because I'm happier as of late than I can remember being in a while but unfortunate because in 8 days I'll be shipping off to a month in P-town to a different world and a different life and in many cases, a different Loch. It's an easy place to live so I'm kind of looking forward to it, and plenty of new friends I've made in Austin are people who are from Plano as well that I didn't know in high school so it's not as though I'm leaving completely, but some of the people here who are most important to me are suddenly going to be out of reach and I don't really know how that's going to work. I wish I could pack them in my suitcase and bring them with me to stay in my room and be there for me when I come home from a long day behind pizza counter, but frankly that's not how my life works, as desperately as I would like it to, so I'm curious to see if dynamics will change and, if so, how. 
College loch and P-town loch are the same person living in two different worlds.
Writing has been relatively interesting. The past few days have consisted of a lot of editing and expansion. Not really a lot to say about that, but it's going. 
I wish that when I sing love songs, dolphins would jump across my range of vision. My life should be a movie. I obviously did not take that picture.
P.S. I think I finally set up a four-five year plan. I am beyond excited.

I want to spend my life writing words that you will read,
please let me?

Sunday, December 5, 2010

levitation is possible

I am slowly growing fearful.
This weekend was a mixture of amazing and terrible, last night in particular. I am obsessed with laughter, and there was a lot of that, and there was kissing and whataburger at five in the morning and there was dancing nearly topless onstage at a Big Boi concert (I swear to god, it happened, I did it), but there were also stress induced rapid vodka shots and guilt trips and anger and a video that shouldn't have been made and didn't get out but the threat was enough to cause damage. This is all beautiful because A) it is bonding time, regardless of how awful some of it was and B) it makes for really interesting stories, and, because of that, really interesting writing material. But the thing is, there is a feeling creeping up on me that I am going to have to choose between some people, and I don't like that, because I already know who I would choose in a heartbeat and the choice I'll make will not make my life easier, just happier. 
I love everyone but I know everyone doesn't love everyone, and I hope other people know how to trust better than I do. Those pictures aren't mine.
I love you,

ps. I'm writing.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

the death of beauty

In life right now, my largest desire is a second of time in which to reminisce.
Things I miss doing
playing the violin
going to all of my classes
laying in bed reading a book
working a minimum wage job
watching old tv shows on hulu
working on my novel in pocket sized moleskines
spending hours at coffee houses
being a regular at restaurants
laying out in the sun
knowing everyone
driving at night
paying in cash

to be continued