The Downlow

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austin, texas, United States
aspiring writer, English and journalism student, hails from Texas. likes include writing, coffee, books, whisky and people.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

the classy do what they have to.

The past couple of days have been particularly surreal.
Today I was reminded of elementary school. Remember when high school seemed a million miles away? After this week, I have one week left, then exams, and then I am done with high school. Literally done with high school. No more. No more dress code, no more high school football games on Friday nights without being a creeper, no more waking up at 6:30-more-like-7:05 in the morning for classes if I don't want to take them that early, no more seeing the same people every day. I think that's the weirdest part. It didn't really strike me until today how far we'll be. My best friend is moving a few states away, and we were talking today, and it hit me that I won't see her in person anymore. I don't really know how to react to that, but I'm definitely not okay with it. High school is finally, finally almost over with, and I have no idea what to expect.
I'm almost done with the Picture of Dorian Gray, and I don't know what to read next. I have some more books from that bookstore in Portland that I'd really like to read, Death is a Lonely Business by my idol Ray Bradbury and the Gods Themselves by Issac Asimov, but I've been meaning to reread Walden by Thoreau, but then I started reading Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte a while back and never finished it so I should maybe finish that? And I borrowed Water for Elephants months ago from Kay Elle, so I'm wondering if that should be next on my list? Hahh, I'm open to advice. I am most definitely undecided. Also, I have a copy of the complete Lord of the Rings trilogy that I got for three bucks from Half Price that I've really been meaning to crack open, and on a completely unrelated note, I would like to add that my copy of the Picture of Dorian Gray is falling apart all over the place because the particular edition was published in 1964 and it has been loved on very thoroughly.
The newest thing I'm writing is going incredibly, and I've pretty much dedicated myself to it. This past few days has been spent doing whatever I can to make sure that my writing is worth reading. I think things have changed, a little but. Not changed, that's not a good word for it. Evolved is closer to what I mean. Things have evolved.
I want to publish I want to write I want you to read I will write I love you,
-Alexandra Loch.

p.s. I did not take that picture. My best friend's web cam did. Enjoy.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

questions answer the classy.

Sometimes I feel like my philosophy on life is a trick question.
Putting aside the hundreds of sub sectors and specifics, there are ultimately two things that I believe in. The first is that there is a higher power, and that said higher power has created the world and everything that passes through it with a specific and distinct purpose. Hence, everything happens for a reason. Each of us will, according to the plan, fulfill our purpose before death. Secondly, I believe that each of us is born neither intrinsically evil nor intrinsically good, but intrinsically talented, and that whether we discover that talent and dedicate ourselves to it in the time we are given determines our happiness while on earth.
Today I was presented with a particularly large and interesting amount of internal questions to answer, most of which I still haven't taken care of, and I remembered how much I don't like making decisions that I don't like to make. Not the most eloquent way of putting it, I suppose, but days like today make me wish that the whole "God's Plan" thing were simpler than it was. Because the thing is that the higher power set the plan into motion, but he doesn't control decisions that we make. Of course, he knows what decisions we're going to make, and he obviously can intervene, but he doesn't do so frequently out of respect for a little thing called free will. Which seriously frustrates me, because I wish I didn't have to make choices. I wish I could know where I'm supposed to go and just go there. The decisions on the way there are hard and stressful and I don't like them.
This is all a part of my personal belief system. And by my personal belief system, I do not mean specifically my religion, although some of my personal belief system does stem from there. This is not me being religious, this is me being spiritual. How cliche.

I just really feel like the easiest way to go about living life is to live it. It seems like that would be the logical way to go, but for some reason, people refuse to stop putting so much stock into things and pressure on themselves and attention onto things like image. It really kills me. If you're not living to find out who you are and what you were meant for, then why are you living? How can you judge people you've never met when you don't know what they could mean to you in the future? How can you be happy?
I want to see a world where everyone understands how to be happy. It is the simplest thing in the world and I have serious issues comprehending why so many people seem to lack the ability to harness it. Here's the trick- the next time you're in a conversation with someone and you think about telling a joke but you worry they might judge you for it, tell the joke. If they judge you, don't be their friend. Treat everyone you meet like you've known them for years. Pick up things for people when they drop them. Offer to pay for the guy in line next to you if they find out they don't have enough money to cover themselves. When you have money, spend it, and when you don't have money, don't spend it. Be honest, and love everyone that you meet, no matter who or what they are. Chances are, deep down somewhere in them, they have some good, and you might be literally the only person whose ever tried to bring it out. The world lacks sympathy, and frankly, it's starting to show.
I'm really not pressing for a lot here, folks. Being nicer is easier. Some people just don't realize how much nicer they need to be.

I'm still reading Dorian Gray. I'm also still writing. I have no idea where what I'm writing is going, but I think I'm just going to keep using that brainstormer thing when I run out of ideas and see where it takes me. I'm a big fan of spontaneity! I saw Robin Hood tonight. It was good, but it seemed reallyyyy long. Probably because it was really late when I saw it. Not to mention that it was two and a half hours. Hahh. I apologize for the rant, I just felt like it needed to be said.
I can't wait to publish a novel and give copies to all of you.
Love, of the truest, deepest sort,
Alexandra Loch.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

the classy find beauty.

So this personal project for my English class keeps throwing me off.
I've always really liked knowing exactly who I am, and I think I've already written about this but this assignment has just tossed everything up in the air. I've "figured out" who I am like eight times in the past two months. Not cool. The presentation is on Tuesday though, so hopefully after
that's over I can go back to peacefully thinking I know who I am and being kind of mostly wrong. I have a feeling that's not how it's going to go, though. Darn.
Tonight at work, this lady called in and asked if we could wait to close so that she could get there in time. Because we're such a specialized store, we get calls like that a lot because people seem to think that we would be happy to stay open an extra half hour while they wait in traffic. Needless to say, we are not thrilled when this occurs. So tonight, the girl I was working with and I weren't happy campers when the clock struck 8 o'clock, which is closing time, and the lady hadn't shown up. I was about ready to shut the door when this kid runs in and asks me to help him find a swimsuit nervously after telling me that they had been the ones who'd called. He had some kind of disability, because he had a hearing aide in his ear, and it may have just been hearing? But I'm didn't get that vibe. Either way, he was such a sweet kid, and then the mom came in and she looked exhausted, and she apologized
vigorously as she filled out an order form for her kids swimsuit and explained to me that she worked seven days a week now and this was literally the only time she could come. Suddenly I found it very difficult to be angry.
My dad, afterwards, expressed disbelief at her working situation, and you know what, maybe he was right. Maybe she was lying. It wouldn't have been the first time I let someone get ahead of me in line or take up extra time because of a sad story that isn't true. But the thing is, I don't really mind that much. I figure that for every ten people who lie to me to get what they want, there's one person who really does need someone to cut them a break, and I, personally, enjoy random acts of kindness. I like to imagine that I'm building up good karma. I'd really like to believe that one day, when things suck, someone will cut me a break. Maybe it won't happen, but maybe it will.

I've been writing on and off, and going through old files. I'll let you know. I think I might be on a roll, maybe. Maybe I'm actually on a roll this time. Also, I have been painfully neglectful
towards the Picture of Dorian Gray the past couple of days, so expect me to be obsessing over that for a day or two. That picture is from middle school, please note how I literally look exactly the same. Cool. It was mix match day, by the way, just to clear up any confusion, although I will admit, fishnets are a personal staple of mine. HAHH.

I love you!

p.s. about 3% of you or less may see that picture again somewhere. Beware.

Monday, May 10, 2010

culture is the footprints of the classy gone before us.

This picture is two years old, so basically it's a dino. I felt it was fitting because the facial expression still basically embodies my inner zen at le moment. Hopefully I'll calm down a little before college.
I decided recently that I need to make and execute a bucket list, because I'm graduating from high school and frankly, I'm not digging this whole regrets thing. It's def not cool. So, in the name of blatant Internet honesty, it's only sensible and frankly, fair to you readers to compose my bucket list on the spot, right here, right now. This is what I want to do before I kick the bucket. Listen up, youngins.

1) Publish a book or twelve. That one should be a given, but it's probably going to be the hardest.

2) Graduate from college. Possibly get a masters in something?

3) Kick ass at some big fancy newspaper doodad somewhere, particularly one that's heavy on coverage of global economy.

4) Learn as many languages as I can cram into my cranium.

5) Find someone to fall in love with, for the sake of having the experience, if for nothing else.

6) Find something that really, really scares me, and do it.

7) Make good on people I've hurt, which have unfortunately been more than I would like. Find them, and apologize directly, and see what happens.

8) Write a screenplay/work on a movie.

9) Publish a book of short stories/essays/poems.

10) Move unexpectedly, and far. Live alone somewhere scenic. Build a library comparable to one in Beauty and the Beast, and lock myself in there for a week or two.

11) Teach a college literature class.

12) Talk to someone that I have absolutely no reason to talk to.

I thought twelve was good because it's my lucky number. I can't just go about writing this all willy nilly, you know. I'll let you guys know what I do and when, and then maybe I'll add more. I feel like this list is a good one to start with though.
My new project has got me really excited. I'm writing and writing and writing, and I'm happy :)
Sleep well. See you in the morrow!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

stars wish on the classy.

As you can see in this lovely photograph, Alexandra is obviously thrilled. Guess why. I got my very own shiny new web cam. And we all know how much I like shiny and new!
Speaking of, I started writing something new again. I know, I'm going crazy. I feel like I'm reverting to how I was before I started this blog. I'm going to concentrate on this one though, I swear. Hahh.
I blame Stumbleupon. It led me to this crazy brainstorming wheel thing that spurts out words for you to write about. I swear to god that website is like a writer's freaking goldmine, just tell it you're interested and it throws things at you like bazonkers. It's wild and I'm in love love love, again. As per uzsheee.
I've been happy today. I had to go into work unexpectedly, because I was supposed to take the day off but the girl who was going to cover for me got sick (get better Kay Elle :/ ), and the whole front of the store is windows, and it was my absolute favorite weather, overcast and coldish warm. The only thing that could possibly have done me better is if it had been drizzling. Last night I fell asleep on the couch and when I got up to go to my actual bed at 4:30 in the morning, I could hear the water pounding onto the roof and I just wanted to go lay down on my front lawn. There's something about rain that's just so much more beautiful and eccentric than the sun could ever be. Any who, while I was in the back I was reading a bunch of inspirational quotes from writers or that pertained to writers, and it really brought out the little optimist that lives inside my head. The world just looked better today.
I think that the most fundamental problem that most writers have is that we have a tendency to see beauty in too many different things. The issue is an over diffusement of concentration- we, or at least I, work on one project obsessively for the first 36 hours, until I find something else that captures my attention, and then I'm too busy obsessing over that to consider the original project again. The real trick is learning to focus. The fact is that you can be the best writer in the world but if you can't work on something long enough to finish it and get it published, you're nothing. No one will read you, no one will talk about you, you will never be taught in English classes. I just need to figure out a way to make my brain not so scattered.
I have a good feeling about everything right now, and things appear to be going my way. Right now my biggest focus is on getting the hell out of high school, and then summer will be here and I can write for however long I want, at least until college. But I'm sure that college will give me a lot of new material :)
If you are reading this, I am hopelessly and irrevocably in love with you. Like Bella Swan was with Edward Cullen, except for that I'm not cool with you sucking my blood and if you sparkle, we're going to have to work something out because I might get jealous. Expect me back soon. I think. I hope you wake up happy tomorrow morning.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

The classy have character.

Multiple characters, to be exact. Because this new thing I'm writing has like seven so far, and I'm only a thousand words in. And granted, they're all based on people (except for one), but those people are all characters from other works of literature and various animes and movies and things of that nature whose personalities I've obsessed over a little bit. No one who I actually know. I'm branching out! I don't really know where all of this came from, but I sat down one night and just started pouring out my mental stuffz onto a word document, and it came out well, darn it.
Also, this week I discovered three new things that I'm obsessed with, and only one of them is food.
1) Mochi. I can't stop eating it. Mochi ice cream topping, fried mochi balls, I'm head over heels for the stuff. It's this weird bean thing from Asia's vicinity of the world, and it's freaking delicious.
2) . I can't stop. Basically, you set up a profile, and go through a checklist and check off the things you're interested in. A little tool bar comes up on the top of the screen, and you click on the word stumble, and it takes you to websites that will entertain you. If it looks boring or when you get bored of it, you can just stumble again, or if you find something you want to go back to, you can favorite it and it'll be saved to your account. It is the most entertaining thing I have ever found in my life, including those screen savers that look like they're taking you through mazes, and I used to stare at those things for hours in elementary school. Before I just facebooked at work- now I have options!
3) . This was one of my first stumbleupon finds. If you are a writer, go here. It gives you a new word everyday, and you get sixty seconds to write off the top of your head whatever comes to mind, and then you get to read what other people wrote. It storms by brain every time.
My dad is officially obsessed with frozen yogurt now, too. This week has been a week of new obsessions!
Picture above: am I yawning, hollering down a canyon to my citizens, or dinasouring evil villains? I suppose we'll never know for sure. MWAHAHAAHH.
Also, ScarJo was hott in Iron man II. I was attracted to her. Just saying.
Dear everyone,
P34C3 0Ut

Alexandra Loch.

Oscar Wilde
Aldous Huxley.
that's all.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

That picture was from my work computer. I don't know what it is. Enjoy.
So I just went out on a limb, and I'm either going to feel really stupid and weird or really good about it depending. I'm feeling halfway vulnerable and halway exhilirated right now, and it honestly wasn't even that big of a decision, but I would have been dissapointed in myself had I not done it, you know? I had to talk myself into it though. It took some convincing.
I've been really happy lately, but there are a few things that I regret that keep popping up in my mind, and I've decided that I want to remedy those things now. Like, right now. I really hate being out of my house and having a really amazing time and then coming home and not having anything to do, and ending up mulling over things that happened a year ago that I can't change, and I've decided that I'm done. If I want to talk to someone, I'm going to do it, damnit. All I can do is hope that they get back to me.
Last night I was thinking about it, and this song came on by some american idol whatchamacallit about life being short and everything, and my immediate thought was how well it applied, with the one succeeding that being how stupid it was to get so inspired by a song performed by someone from american idol. Still though, it got me thinking, and I'm done talking myself out of things.
I sent someone a message today because facebook told me to reconnect, and damnit, I'm going to. Even if it's been... a while.
By the way, I'm reading the Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde, and if you havn't read it already, do. It's amazing and insightful and full of the best advice that you'll ever get. Oscar Wilde is freaking brilliant.
I started writing something new.
-Alexandra Loch.