The Downlow

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austin, texas, United States
aspiring writer, English and journalism student, hails from Texas. likes include writing, coffee, books, whisky and people.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

everybody knows

Today I got the worst headache of my life.
After hiding out in the bathroom at work half crying for at least a half hour, I went home and watched true blood until I fell asleep for forever and ever and I had like eight of these weird dreams. I think that this summer gave me a whole lot to think about and I realized that I'm feeling so, so homesick for Austin. Only two more weeks!
I want a million different things, and no matter what the plan is to get what I want.

p.s. writing is going well, I'm working a lot on character development :)

Saturday, July 23, 2011

oh nostalgia

Unedited. Hard to read, here's the text-

We were always alone, 
and I didn't even question.
I couldn't see room for anyone else.
Sometimes, we wake up.
I had dismissed the me that once was,
I was so delicate and so easily torn.
It was unfair for us to deprive ourselves.
I wanted to be together,

Yesterday, someone told me my IQ was high but my EQ was low. I had never thought about it that way before.

I know you'll stay

Remember those blackout poems I posted early first semester? My scanner isn't working but here's the text to one I just made-

On my visit,
I saw not one woman,
but thousands in bars, praying,
young and green and in awe of everything. 
It inspired a whole movement,
scary and empowering!

I kind of feel like that now again.
I traveled around, 
woke up in my own bed.
Having time to grow gave me a lot to pull from.
It was supposed to be a disguise, but at this point,
I'm not afraid. 

I actually really miss that balcony,

Thursday, July 21, 2011

we are not just art


1. The state of being seriously mentally ill; madness.
2. Extreme foolishness or irrationality.
The most successful people are the ones who kept trying the same thing over and over again until they got different results.


Wednesday, July 20, 2011

i don't know you

Simple thing, where have you gone?
This could be the end of everything,
so why don't we go somewhere only we know?


Tuesday, July 19, 2011

i can't help feeling

Je m'excuse, 

je ne peux pas rester longtemps.


with all their thirst

and everything is going to the beat,

it was like fire around the brim.


Sunday, July 17, 2011

what the hell do i know?

I am sick of rules and regulations.

I love writing, I love you, I love I love I love,

this one is for the boys

There is honestly only one thing that I am good at and that is writing and it terrifies me to think about what could happen if I don't succeed, which is exactly why I will, because failure is absolutely under no circumstances ever going to be any kind of option. I would give up everything to win.
I wish I knew how to go about things but no one gives me the advice I want and I always want to do what I want instead of what I should. I wish I could just leave everything and go somewhere far and wear oversized flannel and tights for pants and sit outside in 60 degree weather and alternate between taking out a canoe and working on eight novels at once, but instead I have to deal with college and obligations. I hate obligations because our purpose is most definitely not to pay the bills and mow the lawn and go to work and file our taxes, it is to love and be loved and die happy, and I can't do that when I'm doing everything else. I wish someone would just be okay with me doing what I want? Especially if what I want is not what I need?
There are some people that make me really sad because I am afraid to die, but they are afraid to live.


Tuesday, July 12, 2011

you don't mean nothing at all

There are moments when I get so restless and the only thing I can do is reread and edit and tear apart old things, and I think those are the moments when everything is moving and I wouldn't trade them for the world. Last night it really, really hit me that I am not the same girl I was this time last year, and it also hit me that I am so, so very okay with that.
I keep falling into the same trap of forgetting what I should be doing and getting off track, but I think this summer has been good for me. It's made a lot of things a lot clearer.
You know, I'm doing aiight :)

I love you,

Sunday, July 10, 2011

i come in peace

"So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons, and maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from,
we can still choose where we go from there.
We can still do things, and we can try to feel okay about them."


simple thing

Way too much to do in no time at all, I'm tired all the time. I'm in a good mood though! It just seems impossible to get shit done. Sorry posting has been so lame lately, I've been sleeping whenever I can, hah.
On a side note, I think that it would be unrealistic for a person to expect to be able to please everyone in the long run. I don't think it very much sense, though, to use that as an excuse for not making the most of the time you have.

I currently like
driving at night
apartment shopping
looking through all of my books
the prospect of finally being back in awestennn
working at a fast food establishment
friends being in town
Childish Gambino
floral prints

love you,

Saturday, July 9, 2011

just a line in a song

I think I forgot what I used to believe. Unhappiness should never be accepted.

Sometimes you have to love, and sometimes you have to fight.
I love you,

(I wonder if you're still reading this,
should you be?)

(this post is not for who you're guessing.)

Thursday, July 7, 2011

I'm alright

Just posted a shitton of new (or in some cases really old) stuff. If you don't tell me what you want to see more of, how am I supposed to know?

I think I'm gonna quit with the deviantart thing, I'm not a huge fan.
I love you,

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

i refuse to slow down

"I should like to know which is worse: to be raped a hundred times by negro pirates, to have a buttock cut off, to run the gauntlet among the Bulgarians, to be whipped and flogged in an auto-da-fe, to be dissected, to row in a galley- in short, to endure all the miseries through which we have passed, or to remain here doing nothing?"
-Voltaire, Cadide

I want I want I want!


Sunday, July 3, 2011

leave me alone

Nights like tonight make me nothing but very, very tired. 
"Do not weep; do not wax indignant. Understand."