The Downlow

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austin, texas, United States
aspiring writer, English and journalism student, hails from Texas. likes include writing, coffee, books, whisky and people.

Monday, February 20, 2012

hotel song

Revelation: I have more fun when I don't tie myself to silly pretenses and petty but unreasonably intense jealousies. I make more new friends when I stop trying to make friends.

I'm going to give up lying for lent.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

come morning light

I woke up early enough that it was still before my class, but late enough so that if I had actually gone to class I would have been forty minutes late. I'm sitting on my couch with a fresh cup of coffee and Nala, the cat my roommate got over winter break who I absolutely adore, about to do some writing for my Hamlet class which I suppose I should be sitting in right now. It's overcast and there aren't any lights on but the window from the balcony is bright enough and I'm too lazy to move :p
The other day I was going over my characters, trying to fill them out and figure them out, and I spent what is probably a really ridiculous amount of time looking up and looking over birth charts for two of the main ones. Is it weird to steal someone else's astrological birth chart and give it to a fictional character? Because that's what I'm doing.
I go through these phases of fascination with astrology. Here's the thing — I don't believe in those daily horoscope things in magazines because I've worked for publications and I understand that actually, the person writing them is not reading the stars. I think though, that some of the personality stuff, like the really in-depth analysis of the different sun signs and various other things, is more often than not pretty spot on. For instance, I'm a Gemini, and I rarely meet people more duplicit than myself. I just think there's something to be said for it — after all, if you think that there's something, anything really that's out there governing the universe, something bigger than us, then I don't see why astrology is so silly.
I plan on spending the day being academic and working more on character development. Please hold me to that. The above photo shows me and Nala reading the Night Circus on my Nook, which you should also do if you haven't already. Except you should do it on your own nook... or just buy the book. And get your own cat to read it with. P.s. Taylor Swift's new music video for Safe & Sound, the song she did with the Civil Wars for the Hunger Games soundtrack, is eery and ethereal and wonderful, please go watch it. P.s.s. I cannot express my excitement for when the Hunger Games hits the bigscreen. If you haven't read it, please go do so, I PROMISE it is actually that good.

I love you, I'll be back soon,

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

brightly dusted

When we met I was on my back,
I swear we spent most afternoons somewhere in the act.
We were part of something ours and ours alone,
anywhere was home.


Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Look at you

Spent most of today sleeping, researching my birth chart and not going to class. Wanna know way more about me than you actually want to know?

"Rising Sign is in 26 Degrees Cancer
Very sensitive by nature, you prefer to be in your own familiar surroundings. Cautious and conservative, you make changes in your life only very slowly, if at all. You do not open up easily to strangers. Friendships are made for life, however -- once given, your trust is forever. Your mother, your home as a child and your early family life in general are very important to you. You are also very sentimental. When you feel self- confident, you are gentle, giving and protective of the needs of others. But when you feel insecure or threatened, you become overly sensitive to criticism, shy, withdrawn and moody. You have a strong need for security -- in the sense that you are being loved, nourished and protected.

Sun is in 21 Degrees Gemini.
You have a quick, bright and agile mind, but an extremely short attention span. You love the external, kaleidoscopic aspects of life, but you tend to avoid (and even fear) deep, close emotional involvements. As such, you seem to enjoy travel and sightseeing and generally being "on-the-go." You get quite listless when things around you become static and dull, but your excitement returns whenever you are stimulated by a new idea. Chatty, inquisitive and quite playful, you enjoy practical jokes and games in general. Your moods change quickly and often -- you are very restless and constantly in motion. You are known for your versatility and adaptability. Your vivaciousness enlivens any social gathering.

Moon is in 21 Degrees Scorpio.
Your feelings are very intense, never superficial. You tend to be either very angry or very sad or completely and totally happy. Your moods are deep, extreme and not always completely understood by yourself or by those with whom you have to deal. Emotionally, you tend to prefer to live at the cutting edge of life, pushing your reactions to the ultimate extremes, even if the results are dangerous or upsetting. You are easily jealous and very suspicious -- you require a great deal of emotional reassurance. A good detective, you are very curious about deep and mysterious things, especially human nature and motivations. Be careful not to be ruthless, tactless or too overly frank or you will meet with much resistance from others.

Mercury is in 05 Degrees Cancer.
Your emotions tend to rule your thought processes. You have difficulty seeing life objectively. You have an excellent memory, especially about things to which you have formed an emotional bond. You prefer ideas and thoughts that are known and familiar, and therefore tend to dislike fads or radical ideas. The beliefs and traditions of your family and culture are very important to you. Your thinking becomes quite unclear when you are emotionally shaken -- try not to make major decisions when you are upset. Let things calm down first.

Venus is in 21 Degrees Gemini.
You are friendly, warm, open and tolerant toward others. You love variety in relationships, indeed you may even prefer to maintain more than one relationship at a time! Very witty and humorous, you have the ability to amuse and please others. This makes you quite popular. You love to play the field and thus find it difficult to settle down and make any deep emotional commitments. Your innate charm and vivacity makes you welcome most everywhere you go.

Mars is in 28 Degrees Aries.
You are very independent and self-assertive, and you have lots of physical energy. You are not satisfied unless you can be the first to do something. As such, you are more comfortable in leadership positions than you are as an underling. When you are challenged by anyone for anything, you delight in the competitive process and will fight long and hard for your beliefs. You are bold and courageous and often act without thinking. At times, in your zeal to get ahead, you are tactless and offensive -- learn that cooperation with others can often bring you nearer to your goals quicker because of the support you will get.

Jupiter is in 07 Degrees Virgo.
You feel most expansive and at ease with yourself when you are doing something that you consider to be practical or useful. You enjoy being dutiful and carrying out responsibilities. You gladly take on the little tasks that others seem to want to avoid. At times, you carry things to extremes and feel guilty anytime you do something that you consider to be self-indulgent. While it is appropriate for you to demand little for yourself in life, try to loosen up once in a while -- go out on a fling and enjoy yourself!

Saturn is in 18 Degrees Aquarius.
Your personal sense of values is a reflection of the value structures of your peer group and of those you respect and admire. Try to be more critical in your acceptance of these values -- you tend to prejudge the abilities of those you trust and then follow what they say blindly. Basically very conservative, you prefer orderly, systematic changes and fear doing things rashly or impulsively. Ideas and philosophies must have some sort of immediately realizable, utilitarian function in order for you to pay any attention to them.

Uranus is in 17 Degrees Capricorn.
You, and your peer group as well, seek out practical solutions to a changing society's attitudes to customs, traditions and authority structures. Your logical and orderly manner of dealing with these matters will result in permanent and carefully planned, but sweeping, reforms.

Neptune is in 18 Degrees Capricorn.
You, and your entire generation, will idealize work, practicality and the ability to attain reasonable goals. But, because you will also stress the need to be selfless and giving, you may find it difficult to attain your goals unless you have lowered your expectations on all fronts.

Pluto is in 20 Degrees Scorpio.
For your entire generation, this is a period of intense research and discovery in areas that were heretofore considered mysterious, remote or taboo. The root causes for many complex occurrences will be unearthed due to the intensity and thoroughness of the search.

N. Node is in 00 Degrees Capricorn.
You rarely get involved closely with anyone unless he or she has something specific and practical to offer you. You tend to be "all business" when it comes to dealing with others. You're usually so intently focused on a particular goal that you rarely have time for social niceties or casual fellowship. But you can definitely be counted on by others to get things done. When you say that you'll do something, you do it. As such, you're a valuable member of any team situation and will probably rise to a position of leadership within the group. Your trustworthiness and sense of responsibility are unquestioned. But do try to avoid the temptation to "use" others to reach your goals -- they might come to resent you."

Much Love,

Monday, February 6, 2012

I'm not crazy

I spent last night sipping dos equis and jack daniels while doing heavy maintenance on my various social networking sites, editing and submitting literally eighteen original poems to a yearly literary journal called Hot House that runs out of the English department at UT, watching the ever-adorable annual puppy bowl and playing private investigator on the bio-dad. 
There are things I need to know about myself. Speaking about myself, 
I may have already posted this at some point, it's a year and some odd months old now. That being said, I went over it and did some edits last night and it speaks to me presently a bit more than it did when I wrote it,

Life of Fiction

Pens, pencils, sharpies,
highlighters, far too many flashdrives
to ever really be necessary
a broken lamp cover
picture frame upon picture frame
a drawer with a box full of notebooks
moleskins full of words that still need typing
and edit after edit
and nothing ever really gets done around here.

I shove homework where I can't see it
school is not as important as this
family does not mean as much as this
not friends, not careers, not life
nothing makes a heart beat quite as forcefully
as a burst of inspiration
as typing the paragraph
that will become 1k
then 2k
then page after page of obsession
characters fill dreams at night.
Déjà vu comes from novels you've started and stopped
and eating doesn't seem all that important
when you could be holed up in a dimly lit room,
creating a world you never knew you craved.

You have meetings, you have class
you go back a week later and it hits you,
God, was I really going to publish this shit?

Print. Crumple for Closure. Hide it in a file you avoid.
Maybe pretend to live for a week,
and then,
back at my desk.
Clutter, clutter, clutter,
far too many flashdrives to ever really be necessary,
the desk where the sun shines in from the balcony window.

I promise you that one day my name will be household. 
Much love,