This was not at all what I had wanted.
That is a picture of my desk. It's where everything happens, and it's where I've spent the past half hour or so, staring at the computer screen and trying to figure out how to put what I want to say into words. I should definitely be doing my poetry homework right now, but obviously I'm not.
When I went back home this weekend, I realized that the things I missed weren't the things I thought I would miss, and the things I don't miss at all are the things I thought I would miss the most. Things are a little bit topsy turvy, and Plano didn't really change while I was gone, but things weren't how I remembered them.
I wish I could be explicit and tell all sorts of stories about what happened this weekend on here, but I can't because people I know read this, and that's what kills me. Like, I have to keep my mouth shut. I'm not good at that.
You know what I think would be great? If everyone could just say exactly what they want. I wish there weren't social rules. Wouldn't it make life so much easier if you could just be blunt? Like, instead of beating around the bush, you could just shove people into it? Because I've gotta be honest, I'm sick and fucking tired of walking on eggshells around certain people. Really, I am. Whats the worst is that no matter how much I desperately try to dislike someone, I'll still get super excited the next time I see them. I just really love everyone I meet and I can't help it and it sucks because I want to believe some people are douchebags, because they are, but for some reason I forget. For once I just want to say exactly what I'm thinking. Why does that have to be so difficult? I know exactly what I want and what I want to say, so why is it not okay to say it?
I really just want to crawl back up into my top bunk and nap and forget about some people but I know I won't because my memory functions similar to that of an elephant and I don't think I could sleep right now if I tried. The trouble is, really far down, I don't think I want to forget.
UGHGHGHGHGH this is completely my fault.