The Downlow

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austin, texas, United States
aspiring writer, English and journalism student, hails from Texas. likes include writing, coffee, books, whisky and people.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

please don't be scared of me

Fuck this, I'm not sleeping anytime soon. Remind me why I signed up to go to college? A degree does not look as good as snuggling up in my bed and not having to wake up at seven, fuck. Might as well blog, not like I'm getting to sleep any earlier anyway. If I weren't doing this I would be distracted via facebook creeping, at least this is productive.

I wish I could explain to you the way I've felt the past couple of days. I went home, remember? Probably since Thursday I keep thinking of things to write and it's the most frustrating thing in the world because I haven't had time to actually get anything down tangibly. I've had to wait to get stuff down on paper and I have so much in my head right now that I wish could not be in my head anymore, my mental filing system is getting too full. I work tomorrow and I have an essay to write tomorrow night so I won't be sleeping then either (yay) but hopefully wednesday I'll get some time to chill and write down everything swirling around in my mental space. Like, major plot developments and character developments. ughghghghgh college is screwing with my career, is this not supposed to the other way around? :(
Home was weird but not in a bad way. I misjudged some things. I miss everyone in Plano all over again. Every time I leave it feels more and more like routine, and I feel like my Plano life and my Austin life are morphing together in some respects, which is most definitely not a bad thing. I'm going back in a month for Thanksgiving so we'll see how that goes. I kind of wish I'd gotten what I went for, though. Better luck next time, I guess. Not everything can always go my way.
I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted :( I've just been so busy, you know. I don't remember when I posted last, but Thursday I was sick and thought I was working but then I wasn't and I "took a nap" at 6:30 in the evening... and woke up from my nap at 9 am. It was beautiful. Then, of course, I ran around all day and went home and drove around Plano all weekend then came back and then today has been oversleeping through sociology then writing a limerick (which was really fucking hard) and going to poetry then holing myself up working on stupid schoolwork. I am sorry I am so whiny, I just haven't gotten as much sleep lately as I would have liked. 
Also, the whole bus ride back to Austin I listened to Kid Cudi and Drake and I am obsessed. They are beautiful.

Every single one of those pictures was taken at 2:40 in the morning alone in the study room because it's so late that the library is already closed and no one else is awake because it is 2:40 in the freaking morning, unless they are in my 8 am journalism class, in which case they will all be awake until class starts just like me. I have given up on sleeping at all, ever. Please be jealous of me, it is the proper response. Kid Cudi is on repeat. His logic, what the fuck? I believe what I'm doing is called "vibing." Is that what the kids call it? Do you need weed to vibe? I don't have any. This would probably be more fun if I were high, though.

"In the end they'll judge me anyway"

This is where I am honest. I love you, please love me,

ps. TFP. please tell me you understand.

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