don't wake me

I lied about posting that night and I'm sorry. November is always a weird month. 

My greatest fear is that I will lose more motivation, a quality which I was born with very little of. I possess even less self control, and lately I've been content, and that's the problem. Today was the first time I've written in a while, and I attribute it to that I was anxious. The past month or so has been by far the best since I got to school but there hasn't been real progress concerning writing and my timeline is getting out of wack. I'm spending too much money and I'm falling to vices faster than I realized I knew how, and I want all of these things and a novel too but I'm terrified that I can't have both. I'm probably worrying too much, the scariest thing is the idea that I won't be done when I wanted to be. Time goes too quickly.
I desperately want to be rereading Candide right now to reinforce the irony in my life, but I have two essays to write and  I left it in Plano because I decided only to bring books I hadn't read yet. Next year I'm going to live in an apartment and there will be a bookshelf in my room, all of my babies are coming with me. No exceptions.


Right now I like coffee and red bull, smoothies with infused energy drinks, staying up all night, sleeping in two hours late, editing old chapters, the Postal Service, Russell Edson, talking about Oscar Wilde, articles on the front page, layering, leisurely walks to class, the academia in the air as finals approach, clutter, old notebooks, moleskine, morning showers, the prospect of working at cici's over winter break, best friends, and this one business major who makes me kind of happy. 
I will always love you, I will always be your friend,
Loch.


p.s. Those pictures are not mine,
but they are what I want.

is this allowed?

In case you were wondering, I ended up getting two hours of sleep after my last post. I've gotten more sleep since then though, so now I'm more coherent. yay!


I've been on a bit of an Oscar Wilde kick for the past couple of days. I had been rereading some parts of Dorian Gray and I wanted to read up on him, and I discovered the history of the Aesthetic movement in England in the second half of the 1800s. First off, Oscar Wilde would have been fun to go out to dinner with. Plus the Picture of Dorian Gray is brilliant, so there's that. You know, I think what I think is so incredible about Wilde is that he embodied the aesthetic movement so well that it effectively ended when he was jailed after being put on trail for sleeping with another man. His jailing basically caused the end of an entire social movement because he wasn't there anymore to keep fueling it. The Aesthetic philosophy is really provocative and it actually makes a lot of sense. It basically consists of the ideas that life should not be about rationality of decisions but rather maximizing the experience of one's own existence, and that art should not convey a message but provide as much pleasure and beauty as possible, and I'm not gonna lie, it's all pretty captivating. 

I obviously did not take those pictures.

I think I might just publish under the name Loch, instead of using Alexandra. It's easier and I find myself liking it more and more. I wrote last night (yayayayayayyy) and hopefully I will again tonight- I work today but I'm covered an afternoon event so I probably won't be in the newsroom for forever.
Also, this morning I decided for sure that I wanted to work at the LA times and live in Cali. Then this afternoon I covered a speech and walked away thinking about how I really definitely wanted to work as a journalist in India and cover the social justice movements that are happening there right now. What is going onnnnnnn


"It is absurd to divide people into good and bad: people are either charming or tedious."


LAHVE
loch.


ps i have a really hysterical joke. you think I'm being sarcastic but the best part is I'm not, i literally laughed for like three minutes without stopping after i heard this. are you ready? okay,
what's brown and sticky?




... IT'S A STICK


AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH omg. that's all.

the classy don't hate, they appreciate.

hey yo! I'm sorry it's been so long. My week has been busy, surprisingly enough.
Thursday night, I went with some friends this ranch that's owned by one of their families. I was expecting a legit ranch, like with a house. I was wrong. It was basically a plot of land with a shack that had some cots for us to sleep on. I got there and I was like, so I have to pee, where's the bathroom? They were like, there isn't one. I thought they were kidding. I was wrong again.
Anywho, it was absolutely gorgeous. Not much else to say. I just really like nature. There's a lot to be said for urban areas, but there's something about nothing that just always blows me away. That picture is not of the ranch, but it's of somewhere with nothing. It's not a great photo but the place is beyond beautiful.
Also, did you know you can rent laser tag ranges? It's legit. That's all about that.
I haven't written in too long. I'm beginning to show signs of irritability. I think Oscar Wilde is going to be my next obsession. I'm doing Catholic things tonight, i.e. youth group then frozen yogurt, but after that I'm probably going to stay awake for a while and work on filling out the space between the very beginning, which I've finally started writing, to the chunk that I've written, which should fall like halfway before halfway through. Iloveallofyou!
p.s. I know where I'm going to college.
GOOD DAY.
-Loch.