The Downlow

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austin, texas, United States
aspiring writer, English and journalism student, hails from Texas. likes include writing, coffee, books, whisky and people.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

something unignorable

"Oh what a beautiful, terrifying thing, to be eighteen."

When was the last time you got what you wanted?
I remember vividly the moment I realized I was going to die. I was lying in bed when I was twelve thinking about time, and it hit me that in 100 years, no one would know or care who I was. All connection would be lost, and I would be in purgatory or reincarnated or in silence or whatever else happens. That was the moment I started planning.
Tonight one of my best friends came to my house and talking to her made me realize that far too often, we try to rationalize why our own unhappiness is fair. Unhappiness is never fair. We try to come up with reasons why our problems can't be gotten rid of, and we sacrifice our own happiness in the process.
Life ends, and happiness should come first. You only have like 100 years to make mistakes and fuck up and love and find yourself and if you hesitate, your time could pass before you realize it came. When you die, the only thing that will matter is whether or not you took the time to live.
I've always had a plan, but I keep getting this nagging feeling that its wrong. I want to learn how to make real decisions before its too late to make any.

"Whoever can love you can leave you and whoever can hurt you can heal you." -kay elle

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