The Downlow

My photo
austin, texas, United States
aspiring writer, English and journalism student, hails from Texas. likes include writing, coffee, books, whisky and people.

Monday, April 11, 2011

you in series


Hello, It’s me again.
I wasn’t gone long but I’ve come back for when
you remember the summer you needed me and
you begin to remember that particular “then.”
You wanted to see me and I needed your need
and you laughed through the smoke I could see from your weed,
and I wish it would strike you, the way it strikes me,
that there’s so little time left to be you-and-me.

I love when I see you and I make you happy,
I want to be happy and we can be happy, 
You know I'm the best thing that will ever happen
to you so explain why you're being so rude.
I can see through you, you want this to happen,
I know you’re not happy, I know you.

Hello, It’s me again.
I didn’t stay long but I’m leaving again,
and I wanted to say you should call me again
when you realize you weren’t right and need me again.
You know that I’ll answer when my phone starts to ring,
but understand how the waiting will sting.


I guess I really can't complain.
Long nights spent gazing up
at stars or more often my cell phone,
waiting for a call and
wishing for the former.
Crying for no reason and wondering
what it is you could offer,
what it is I would give and why
I'm so wiling if I still don't know.
Loneliness far away and restraining myself,
defending your honor at the inevitable
flash of judgement in their eyes
when they asked where you were.

I did it for the long nights,
the first times I rebelled,
away from home at odd hours and
holding your hand and 
trying to stall as much as I could
because your chest felt warm and safe,
picking up shifts I knew you worked and
telling my friends that you weren't like the others,
you were different from them and I could see you,
really see you when you held me,
when you told me I was your reason.
DId you forget everything?

You're happy now, I think,
and I guess that was always
ultimately what I wanted,
To see you smile because 
I made the choice I did,
To know that I was different,
and that you knew it.
Maybe this defeats the purpose
of avoiding you in the aftermath
to avoid making things worse
on the off chance you might be kidding.
Watching you courteously wait a grace period 
of roughly fourteen hours before 
letting everyone know it was her now, not me,
crying myself to sleep, nauseated,
and wondering how it could hurt that much.
But you found someone
and maybe she's as good as me,
maybe you'll pick up the shards 
lying by your feet and use them
to create something real, something you love,
and maybe she's good enough to help you.
and I'll go on and work and laugh
and be my happy self, and when I lie in bed at night
Sometimes I'll wonder if you're okay,
if I did enough to help you, to show you
that your different from them, 
that I could really see you when you held me.
Maybe you just didn't
want me that badly in the first place.
I think I might be allowed to be bitter but,
I guess I really can't complain.

The first was written early first semester, the second one was written today. Enjoy.

No comments:

Post a Comment