you in series

Hello

Hello, It’s me again.

I wasn’t gone long but I’ve come back for when

you remember the summer you needed me and

you begin to remember that particular “then.”

You wanted to see me and I needed your need

and you laughed through the smoke I could see from your weed,

and I wish it would strike you, the way it strikes me,

that there’s so little time left to be you-and-me.

I love when I see you and I make you happy,

I want to be happy and we can be happy, 

You know I'm the best thing that will ever happen

to you so explain why you're being so rude.

I can see through you, you want this to happen,

I know you’re not happy, I know you.

Hello, It’s me again.

I didn’t stay long but I’m leaving again,

and I wanted to say you should call me again

when you realize you weren’t right and need me again.

You know that I’ll answer when my phone starts to ring,

but understand how the waiting will sting.

Choice

I guess I really can't complain.

Long nights spent gazing up

at stars or more often my cell phone,

waiting for a call and

wishing for the former.

Crying for no reason and wondering

what it is you could offer,

what it is I would give and why

I'm so wiling if I still don't know.

Loneliness far away and restraining myself,

defending your honor at the inevitable

flash of judgement in their eyes

when they asked where you were.

I did it for the long nights,

the first times I rebelled,

away from home at odd hours and

holding your hand and 

trying to stall as much as I could

because your chest felt warm and safe,

picking up shifts I knew you worked and

telling my friends that you weren't like the others,

you were different from them and I could see you,

really see you when you held me,

when you told me I was your reason.

DId you forget everything?

But,

You're happy now, I think,

and I guess that was always

ultimately what I wanted,

To see you smile because 

I made the choice I did,

To know that I was different,

and that you knew it.

Maybe this defeats the purpose

of avoiding you in the aftermath

to avoid making things worse

on the off chance you might be kidding.

Watching you courteously wait a grace period 

of roughly fourteen hours before 

letting everyone know it was her now, not me,

crying myself to sleep, nauseated,

and wondering how it could hurt that much.

But you found someone

and maybe she's as good as me,

maybe you'll pick up the shards 

lying by your feet and use them

to create something real, something you love,

and maybe she's good enough to help you.

and I'll go on and work and laugh

and be my happy self, and when I lie in bed at night

Sometimes I'll wonder if you're okay,

if I did enough to help you, to show you

that your different from them, 

that I could really see you when you held me.

Maybe you just didn't

want me that badly in the first place.
I think I might be allowed to be bitter but,

I guess I really can't complain.

The first was written early first semester, the second one was written today. Enjoy.

-Alexandra