The Downlow

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austin, texas, United States
aspiring writer, English and journalism student, hails from Texas. likes include writing, coffee, books, whisky and people.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

the classy do not need smoke and mirrors.

That picture is vague, but it reminds me that for one reason or another there are a few particular people who I can go years without talking to, but still feel as though I'm related to. It's funny, because it was taken at the house of a family that mine used to be very close with, and somehow I really feel like if I showed up on their doorstep right now they would let me in and feed me even though I haven't talked to the majority of them since I was fifteen. I helped paint that wagon. I like to be reminded that bonds strengthen with time. It was just such a long time ago, for some reason I'm feeling nostalgic.
It's funny, because at the beginning of this year I was informed that in the previous year I had made some very dire mistakes. I hadn't realized what I'd been doing, but I was basically just a very neglectful and detached person, and it became very apparent that I was going to lose some things that were very important to me if I didn't schooch my booty in the direction of the emotions I was actually feeling. This year I've been doing a lot of thinking about the people that I'm close with and basically just the vibes I give off and how that might affect my friend making skills, and I've realized two things.
The first is that I really don't like aggressive and unpleasant people. That doesn't sound like a huge realization to make, but it didn't really hit me until this year how entirely lucky I am to be surrounded by people who just want to laugh together. I am in high school, and I feel it is an accomplishment on the part of several people, including myself, for me to be able to say that no, I have never fought with my best friends, please don't pass out from the shock. I feel like I bring this up too often, but sometimes I just think about my friends and wonder how on earth I ended up with such good people backing me up.
The second thing I've realized is that my whole life I've been very strong in the belief that one should simply be one's self in order to acquire new friends, but I've been kind of a hypocrite. This one didn't become as apparent until recently, but ultimately what it come down to is that, I'm not gonna lie, I'm kind of quirky. Or crazy. Up until now, my strategy has been to ease people into my personality, because it's a lot to handle. I've come to the conclusion, however, that the best friends I have are the ones who I just sprung it on right off the bat, and they seem to like me just fine. So, I've devised a new strategy, which I've begun testing out- the springing method. No more easing, because in college no one will know what I'm like, so I might as well make it obvious.
Writing writing writing writing has been on my brain constantly. It's really upsetting, because there's only twenty four hours in a day and I need to sleep for two of them at least, usually, but I would much rather spend that time writing. I really feel like this is it. Not that I haven't felt that before, but something about this one just feels real. I went out on a limb this week and let someone read an unedited copy, which I later punched myself in the face for because I went through it and edits were direly needed, but I was given reassurance, and somehow it just feels more tangible now. I think having a flash drive helps- I've been working in the back at work in my spare time. I just wish that there were more hours in a day, because high school is not real but this is and I just feel like I need to focus more attention on it. It's hard to explain, but it's exhilarating.
Also, abrupt subject change. I just want to say that I managed to go for sixteen years without boy problems, and around my seventeenth birthday they basically smacked me in the face. Not like a little backhand, more like they tried to knock me out with a hammer. I don't want to sound whiny, and I don't want to overreact, but I feel like it needs to be said that lying to a girl to her face and giving her maybefalsemaybetrue signals are not the way to get in her pants, or any article of clothing really. Also, getting her friends to lie to her is definitely not a turn on. For future reference: some girls need guys to hang off of, but some of them don't. I'm assuming if you're looking to get with a girl, you want the latter category. If so, plz don't be deceitful, thanks, because otherwise getting any will not be something you can list in your activities section on facebook.
If you are reading this, I love you. Like, really. I hope you dream of forests and your favorite animals. My eyes are unusually droopy at the moment, I don't really know what's up with that but I need a minute to decide if I'm going to sleep or not. Wish me luck on the flip side, I'll be back soon.

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