The Downlow

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austin, texas, United States
aspiring writer, English and journalism student, hails from Texas. likes include writing, coffee, books, whisky and people.

Friday, August 27, 2010

it's like it wasn't there at all

Today was weird and unnecessarily stressful and not particularly bad or good. It was just there. I don't know if that picture accurately describes my emotional state, but it's a fraction of it.

I miss writing :( and I miss someone from back home who I shouldn't. I'm not homesick because there really isn't anything to go back to.
I just got done doing a lot more homework than is usual for me. I think what just happened constitutes as the first study session of college, and quite possibly the most legitimate attempt at a study session that I've ever had. Good thing it's on my first Friday night of what I'm sure will be four years of exciting weekends. hahahahh. hahh. ha.
Journalism is taking me over again. It's making me unhappy and obsessed, as per usual. I'm in love with it, as per usual. Right now I'm reverting back to an old habit of being alone by choice when I really shouldn't be alone.

You know what I think it is? It's hard to think in this dorm. There's always something else there, and I can never just focus. At home I had my think spot, and I didn't realize how valuable the hours I spent sitting at my dining room table with all of my shit spread around me were until they were whisked away with the rest of childhood. I have to figure out where I can think here. The problem is that everything is so busy. I should be typing up interviews right now but I just can't seem to force myself to do it.

I really don't have interest in money. All I want is for people to feel a little emptier when I go. I want to be happy.

Maybe I'm in this funk because my dorm room is the coldest place on earth. I love you.

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