The Downlow

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austin, texas, United States
aspiring writer, English and journalism student, hails from Texas. likes include writing, coffee, books, whisky and people.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

drove all this way just to say

My favorite part of the daytime are the occasions when I manage to wake up early, and I walk to class while the air is still coolish and I listen to music and I let the songs make me feel the way I did the first time I heard them. My favorite part of the nighttime is when I get back to my apartment complex and I realize that it really does feel like home.
On an entirely different note
There is a night that happened over a month ago that I would like to discuss because something that happened this weekend reminded me of it and I would like to get this all out of my system (I promise there is a moral at the end). If you know me at all there is a chance you have heard about this particular night, and if you know me well then you most certainly have because I ranted about it a shitton, particularly if you live in Austin (sorry, MC). I like to call it "the night of the akward goodbye." I don't necessarily want to go into detail about the night itself, but it was back before a lot of shit went down with my neighbors, and at the time I was hooking up with one of them on and off. Now, a disclaimer, here's my thing- I'm really, really, really, I cannot express to you how bad I am at emotional stuff and relationships, and the thing that I am worst at is "having a thing." I am horrible at it. One night stands, I'm great at! I love having no strings attached. I almost never go back for more, but when I do, I start getting confused and overanalyzing and I never know quite how to handle myself because I hate/am terrible at all the emotional bullshit that happens in the very beginning of relationships, which is probably why I've been in so few of them.
Anyway, this particular night was a milestone for this "thing" because we had hooked up three times in a row, a hat-trick, one night after the other, which never ever happens, and on this night, the fourth night, this guy and I hadn't even kissed at all and instead of hugging me goodbye, he gives me this bullshit wave and I didn't know what the fuck was going on. He didn't even actually wave his hand, it was just like a raised palm. After that, there were a few more nights and moments but the "thing" was effectively over because what the fuck, a wave? Not even a fucking hug?
The ranting isn't really the point though. What I realized tonight is that I am sick and tired of having to try and figure out what people are thinking. Please just tell me, I do not read minds. This applies to everyone, not just guys who want in my pants, but it especially applies to them, because to be straight up, if you do not want anything serious, I am okay with that. If you are not straight up, you will leave whatever girl or boy or whoever you wanna get with looking like this ---------------------------------------------------------------------->
Okay so prob not really that sad, but seriously. I love casual, or if I think your cool enough I could probably handle dating you, but you need to tell me what you want or I won't know what the fuck is going on. What I would like to say, I guess, is this- if you would like to get what you want, then you need to open your mouth and tell the person who you want to get it from. Otherwise, I guarantee that whatever "thing" you had going on will be donezo.
Thaaaaaaaaaaaaanks, OH OH OH and
I wrote a whole lot the other night, and I decided that I am going to participate in national novel writing month :)

I know I don't usually type this much but it's been a week and I missed this. I don't even know who follows this anymore, hah. I'll prob post again in the next couple of days.
hey hey hey I love you,

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