disenchantment is the curse of the classy.

Today was a really annoying day.
Have you ever been in one of those situations where you tell a lie, and then someone tells you how trustworthy you are and you immediately feel beyond guilty? Because today, that happened to me. It was really classic, actually, like a scenario from Full House or something. You tell your parent a lie, they believe you seamlessly and tell you how amazing you are, and you feel like daunch for the rest of the day until you tell them.
The people I should be able to trust the most have lied to me for nearly eighteen years about everything, and they have lied very, very well. In the past couple of months I found out I was being lied to, was told new information which was, of course, not true, and have basically discovered that I have no idea where I came from or who I am, and frankly, I don't believe anyone anymore. The only thing I have learned is that there is absolutely no one who you can absolutely trust, and that you should always be able to prove something yourself before you publish it.
The point is that I am good at lying, but I don't do it, and I don't see why anyone else does either. The world would be a much more exciting place if everyone would just be honest. I can't wrap my head around why people feel the need to sugar coat things or hide them altogether- it doesn't help anything. Like, at all. All it does is stress you out and stress other people out.

Trusting is not the same as loving. I have found out lies, and have lied about knowing them. Sometimes people lie to protect, and you have to respect that. I'm keeping my mouth shut.

When I find out whats going on I'll let you know.
I spent the weekend at the beach with orchestra and some of my favorite people, and I honestly just want to lie in the sun by the ocean and not think about anything but the people I love for the rest of my life. I really, really want to graduate.
love,
alexandra.