I am not a fan of endings. It's unfortunate, because I seem to be arriving at so many of them.
When your farther off, college is an exciting idea. High school, admittedly, has a tendency to suck, and around the end of junior year, beginning of senior year, graduating begins to look pretty damn good.
Tonight I played the last of seven years worth of orchestra concerts, and it really hit me that things are starting to be over. No more orchestra, no more high school, no more acquaintances you greet in the hall. Only passerby, and there are less of them, and they're less constant.
In high school, it's easy to know who you are. You're more secure, there aren't as many decisions to be made, and you've known some people for years. You can say pretty solidly that you are aware of your personal goals and desires. Once you get out of high school, it's impossible to be the person you've always been. Change is forced, and everything is up in the air.
Maybe it's just me, but as I approach the end of the road, I'm terrified of crossing the bridge to the other side. I don't know whats there, and I don't know if I want to find out. I like who I am and what I want and who I care about, and the idea that I'm going to have to start over is unsettling on several levels.
I need to read more. I'm starting to get more scattered. I need to pull it together.
Some things are magic, and some things are just too hard to let go of. The are some things you can't ever let yourself forget. I don't want to forget.
I lahve you, I love all,