please tell me that you're alright.

I'm starting this post before I go get free drinks for some friends at my job, but they're coming to get me soon so I probably won't finish it until after my shift. I wanted to let you guys know that I think the ball might be rolling again, maybe.
Last night I was lying in bed, trying desperately to STOP thinking about why I was so bothered and START thinking of little sheep to count, when suddenly something hit me, and I rolled over and wrote for a good ten minutes, and frankly, it was not at all what I was expecting. I mean, I knew an epiphany would come around one way or another, but I was pretty much channeling the lovechild of Edgar Allen Poe and Shel Silverstein. Fuhreaky. But maybe it'll go somewhere. Poetrys been happening a lot lately? And I hadn't realized until the other night when I was explaining it to someone, and I was like, oh. I haven't written a lot of prose in a while. But I'm taking a poetry class first semester, so maybe this is a good thing?
PS, I move on the 21st. I quit work in ten days. :( but soon I'll be in college! :D

I lied, I'm not finishing this post until right now. Which is the next day, by the way. This girl from work I've bonded with super quickly spent the night at my house last night and we basically laughed hysterically for hours on end. Today I cut allllll of my hair off. And by all I mean over ten inches. The before and after pictures are above. Guess which one is which!
This has been the craziest summer of my life. If I'm doing everything else, I guess I might as well do my hair.
So much love, I'll come back later, I swear. I'm preoccupied. LOVE LOVE LOVE always,
Loch.

P.S. exactly two weeks until I'm officially living the dorm life.

the classy do not need smoke and mirrors.

Heyloh!
That picture is vague, but it reminds me that for one reason or another there are a few particular people who I can go years without talking to, but still feel as though I'm related to. It's funny, because it was taken at the house of a family that mine used to be very close with, and somehow I really feel like if I showed up on their doorstep right now they would let me in and feed me even though I haven't talked to the majority of them since I was fifteen. I helped paint that wagon. I like to be reminded that bonds strengthen with time. It was just such a long time ago, for some reason I'm feeling nostalgic.
It's funny, because at the beginning of this year I was informed that in the previous year I had made some very dire mistakes. I hadn't realized what I'd been doing, but I was basically just a very neglectful and detached person, and it became very apparent that I was going to lose some things that were very important to me if I didn't schooch my booty in the direction of the emotions I was actually feeling. This year I've been doing a lot of thinking about the people that I'm close with and basically just the vibes I give off and how that might affect my friend making skills, and I've realized two things.
The first is that I really don't like aggressive and unpleasant people. That doesn't sound like a huge realization to make, but it didn't really hit me until this year how entirely lucky I am to be surrounded by people who just want to laugh together. I am in high school, and I feel it is an accomplishment on the part of several people, including myself, for me to be able to say that no, I have never fought with my best friends, please don't pass out from the shock. I feel like I bring this up too often, but sometimes I just think about my friends and wonder how on earth I ended up with such good people backing me up.
The second thing I've realized is that my whole life I've been very strong in the belief that one should simply be one's self in order to acquire new friends, but I've been kind of a hypocrite. This one didn't become as apparent until recently, but ultimately what it come down to is that, I'm not gonna lie, I'm kind of quirky. Or crazy. Up until now, my strategy has been to ease people into my personality, because it's a lot to handle. I've come to the conclusion, however, that the best friends I have are the ones who I just sprung it on right off the bat, and they seem to like me just fine. So, I've devised a new strategy, which I've begun testing out- the springing method. No more easing, because in college no one will know what I'm like, so I might as well make it obvious.
Writing writing writing writing has been on my brain constantly. It's really upsetting, because there's only twenty four hours in a day and I need to sleep for two of them at least, usually, but I would much rather spend that time writing. I really feel like this is it. Not that I haven't felt that before, but something about this one just feels real. I went out on a limb this week and let someone read an unedited copy, which I later punched myself in the face for because I went through it and edits were direly needed, but I was given reassurance, and somehow it just feels more tangible now. I think having a flash drive helps- I've been working in the back at work in my spare time. I just wish that there were more hours in a day, because high school is not real but this is and I just feel like I need to focus more attention on it. It's hard to explain, but it's exhilarating.
Also, abrupt subject change. I just want to say that I managed to go for sixteen years without boy problems, and around my seventeenth birthday they basically smacked me in the face. Not like a little backhand, more like they tried to knock me out with a hammer. I don't want to sound whiny, and I don't want to overreact, but I feel like it needs to be said that lying to a girl to her face and giving her maybefalsemaybetrue signals are not the way to get in her pants, or any article of clothing really. Also, getting her friends to lie to her is definitely not a turn on. For future reference: some girls need guys to hang off of, but some of them don't. I'm assuming if you're looking to get with a girl, you want the latter category. If so, plz don't be deceitful, thanks, because otherwise getting any will not be something you can list in your activities section on facebook.
If you are reading this, I love you. Like, really. I hope you dream of forests and your favorite animals. My eyes are unusually droopy at the moment, I don't really know what's up with that but I need a minute to decide if I'm going to sleep or not. Wish me luck on the flip side, I'll be back soon.
love,
Loch.

2/13/10

The snow is all starting to melt :( Today I walked out of my work to go across the street for a water bottle, and water was literally gushing out of the storm drains. Also, my work flooded last night. Not because of the storm, but because of the pizza place next door. Cool?
This morning though, there was snow everywhere. It was weird- I would look out, and for a half second my brain would try to figure out where the color went. There's something really strange about looking around in Texas and only being able to see white. It was just so bright and surreal, I honestly had a lot of trouble comprehending it. I was just looking at the snow and thinking, what is that stuff really, and why is it here? It was very unusual. I guess that makes me southern?
That is a picture of a rabbit I saw hiding in a snow dune yesterday. I was taking a walk in the snow after I woke up, and I looked next to me, and there it was. At first I thought it was a rock, but then I looked closer and I realized I'd never seen a rock look that frightened before. It made me realize how glad I was that I could get out of the cold- plants and animals have to stay outside all night while we curl up under the covers. It just made me kind of sad for a little bit, but the rabbit was absolutely adorable and perfect.
I broke 1K last night, on whatever it is I've been typing. I was proud of myself. Starting it was weird, because the file had originally been written in first person, so I tried changing it to third person, and it just completely ruined the effect. I had the hardest time figuring out what I was going to do, but I think I worked it out quite nicely, and the whateveritis is officially in third person, just not the first part, sort of. It's going well, and my character that I'm working on at the moment is developing quite nicely, thank you for asking :)
I think I have a love hate relationship with the human race. I definitely have a hate relationship with retail. Today my coworker left the store for like an hour and a half to go out to lunch, and immediately upon her leaving like eight people came in and it was just all over the place. So I started thinking about how rude some people can be, really, because a lot of them are jerks, but I had a hard time saying I hated them, because I don't think I actually hate anything, except vegetables and school buses and chemistry and now retail. But even those things have provided me with memories that I seriously doubt I will ever want to get rid of. Except vegetables, those have provided me with nothing but disgust. There's a grand total of two things in my life that I actually hate, vegetable being one, the other remaining unnamed on the interweb, but I can honestly say that people, while not exactly being on my good list, are not on my hated list either. Mostly because I love them too much. I also love people visiting me at my job- if you know where I work, come see me. It really does brighten my day.
Tonight a friend and I went on a shopping trip and purchased a close friend of mine some birthday presents. She is now the proud new owner of a glitter vibrator and a 41" Katana sword. Everyone, this is your cue to be jealous.
I think I pulled a muscle in my chest. Every time I move my arms, my cardiac region aches. It's not so much painful as it is strange. Also, I've felt nauseous all night, but I've eaten just as unhealthily and frequently as I normally do, and I haven't gotten sick yet, so hopefully I'm not dying. I think it's going to pass in a few hours.
I saw Wolfman tonight. It was funny and disgusting. I liked it. I did not, however, think the main character was as wildly attractive as everyone else seems to. I don't remember his name, but he looked really cracked out and his eyelid pudge was way too droopy for my liking. Eckhh.
I am either going to sleep or reading or writing or doing my precal homework, or doing something else entirely. I hope you are all having a wonderful night. This morning I woke up on the couch and realized I hadn't slept in my bed the night before at all- hope that the same thing doesn't happen to me again, because I don't think my neck could take it.
Sleep well,
Loch.