I think she knows

This morning I woke up happy and in a ridiculous amount of pain. My head has never throbbed so thoroughly.
Things are beginning to clear up and I feel like I'm beginning to really, completely settle into my college life, which is great because I'm happier as of late than I can remember being in a while but unfortunate because in 8 days I'll be shipping off to a month in P-town to a different world and a different life and in many cases, a different Loch. It's an easy place to live so I'm kind of looking forward to it, and plenty of new friends I've made in Austin are people who are from Plano as well that I didn't know in high school so it's not as though I'm leaving completely, but some of the people here who are most important to me are suddenly going to be out of reach and I don't really know how that's going to work. I wish I could pack them in my suitcase and bring them with me to stay in my room and be there for me when I come home from a long day behind pizza counter, but frankly that's not how my life works, as desperately as I would like it to, so I'm curious to see if dynamics will change and, if so, how. 
College loch and P-town loch are the same person living in two different worlds.
Writing has been relatively interesting. The past few days have consisted of a lot of editing and expansion. Not really a lot to say about that, but it's going. 

I wish that when I sing love songs, dolphins would jump across my range of vision. My life should be a movie. I obviously did not take that picture.
P.S. I think I finally set up a four-five year plan. I am beyond excited.


I want to spend my life writing words that you will read,
please let me?
love,
loch.

the classy do what they have to.

The past couple of days have been particularly surreal.
Today I was reminded of elementary school. Remember when high school seemed a million miles away? After this week, I have one week left, then exams, and then I am done with high school. Literally done with high school. No more. No more dress code, no more high school football games on Friday nights without being a creeper, no more waking up at 6:30-more-like-7:05 in the morning for classes if I don't want to take them that early, no more seeing the same people every day. I think that's the weirdest part. It didn't really strike me until today how far we'll be. My best friend is moving a few states away, and we were talking today, and it hit me that I won't see her in person anymore. I don't really know how to react to that, but I'm definitely not okay with it. High school is finally, finally almost over with, and I have no idea what to expect.
I'm almost done with the Picture of Dorian Gray, and I don't know what to read next. I have some more books from that bookstore in Portland that I'd really like to read, Death is a Lonely Business by my idol Ray Bradbury and the Gods Themselves by Issac Asimov, but I've been meaning to reread Walden by Thoreau, but then I started reading Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte a while back and never finished it so I should maybe finish that? And I borrowed Water for Elephants months ago from Kay Elle, so I'm wondering if that should be next on my list? Hahh, I'm open to advice. I am most definitely undecided. Also, I have a copy of the complete Lord of the Rings trilogy that I got for three bucks from Half Price that I've really been meaning to crack open, and on a completely unrelated note, I would like to add that my copy of the Picture of Dorian Gray is falling apart all over the place because the particular edition was published in 1964 and it has been loved on very thoroughly.
The newest thing I'm writing is going incredibly, and I've pretty much dedicated myself to it. This past few days has been spent doing whatever I can to make sure that my writing is worth reading. I think things have changed, a little but. Not changed, that's not a good word for it. Evolved is closer to what I mean. Things have evolved.
I want to publish I want to write I want you to read I will write I love you,
-Alexandra Loch.

p.s. I did not take that picture. My best friend's web cam did. Enjoy.

questions answer the classy.

Sometimes I feel like my philosophy on life is a trick question.
Putting aside the hundreds of sub sectors and specifics, there are ultimately two things that I believe in. The first is that there is a higher power, and that said higher power has created the world and everything that passes through it with a specific and distinct purpose. Hence, everything happens for a reason. Each of us will, according to the plan, fulfill our purpose before death. Secondly, I believe that each of us is born neither intrinsically evil nor intrinsically good, but intrinsically talented, and that whether we discover that talent and dedicate ourselves to it in the time we are given determines our happiness while on earth.
Today I was presented with a particularly large and interesting amount of internal questions to answer, most of which I still haven't taken care of, and I remembered how much I don't like making decisions that I don't like to make. Not the most eloquent way of putting it, I suppose, but days like today make me wish that the whole "God's Plan" thing were simpler than it was. Because the thing is that the higher power set the plan into motion, but he doesn't control decisions that we make. Of course, he knows what decisions we're going to make, and he obviously can intervene, but he doesn't do so frequently out of respect for a little thing called free will. Which seriously frustrates me, because I wish I didn't have to make choices. I wish I could know where I'm supposed to go and just go there. The decisions on the way there are hard and stressful and I don't like them.
This is all a part of my personal belief system. And by my personal belief system, I do not mean specifically my religion, although some of my personal belief system does stem from there. This is not me being religious, this is me being spiritual. How cliche.

I just really feel like the easiest way to go about living life is to live it. It seems like that would be the logical way to go, but for some reason, people refuse to stop putting so much stock into things and pressure on themselves and attention onto things like image. It really kills me. If you're not living to find out who you are and what you were meant for, then why are you living? How can you judge people you've never met when you don't know what they could mean to you in the future? How can you be happy?
I want to see a world where everyone understands how to be happy. It is the simplest thing in the world and I have serious issues comprehending why so many people seem to lack the ability to harness it. Here's the trick- the next time you're in a conversation with someone and you think about telling a joke but you worry they might judge you for it, tell the joke. If they judge you, don't be their friend. Treat everyone you meet like you've known them for years. Pick up things for people when they drop them. Offer to pay for the guy in line next to you if they find out they don't have enough money to cover themselves. When you have money, spend it, and when you don't have money, don't spend it. Be honest, and love everyone that you meet, no matter who or what they are. Chances are, deep down somewhere in them, they have some good, and you might be literally the only person whose ever tried to bring it out. The world lacks sympathy, and frankly, it's starting to show.
I'm really not pressing for a lot here, folks. Being nicer is easier. Some people just don't realize how much nicer they need to be.

I'm still reading Dorian Gray. I'm also still writing. I have no idea where what I'm writing is going, but I think I'm just going to keep using that brainstormer thing when I run out of ideas and see where it takes me. I'm a big fan of spontaneity! I saw Robin Hood tonight. It was good, but it seemed reallyyyy long. Probably because it was really late when I saw it. Not to mention that it was two and a half hours. Hahh. I apologize for the rant, I just felt like it needed to be said.
I can't wait to publish a novel and give copies to all of you.
Love, of the truest, deepest sort,
Alexandra Loch.

the classy find beauty.

So this personal project for my English class keeps throwing me off.
I've always really liked knowing exactly who I am, and I think I've already written about this but this assignment has just tossed everything up in the air. I've "figured out" who I am like eight times in the past two months. Not cool. The presentation is on Tuesday though, so hopefully after that's over I can go back to peacefully thinking I know who I am and being kind of mostly wrong. I have a feeling that's not how it's going to go, though. Darn.
Tonight at work, this lady called in and asked if we could wait to close so that she could get there in time. Because we're such a specialized store, we get calls like that a lot because people seem to think that we would be happy to stay open an extra half hour while they wait in traffic. Needless to say, we are not thrilled when this occurs. So tonight, the girl I was working with and I weren't happy campers when the clock struck 8 o'clock, which is closing time, and the lady hadn't shown up. I was about ready to shut the door when this kid runs in and asks me to help him find a swimsuit nervously after telling me that they had been the ones who'd called. He had some kind of disability, because he had a hearing aide in his ear, and it may have just been hearing? But I'm didn't get that vibe. Either way, he was such a sweet kid, and then the mom came in and she looked exhausted, and she apologized vigorously as she filled out an order form for her kids swimsuit and explained to me that she worked seven days a week now and this was literally the only time she could come. Suddenly I found it very difficult to be angry.
My dad, afterwards, expressed disbelief at her working situation, and you know what, maybe he was right. Maybe she was lying. It wouldn't have been the first time I let someone get ahead of me in line or take up extra time because of a sad story that isn't true. But the thing is, I don't really mind that much. I figure that for every ten people who lie to me to get what they want, there's one person who really does need someone to cut them a break, and I, personally, enjoy random acts of kindness. I like to imagine that I'm building up good karma. I'd really like to believe that one day, when things suck, someone will cut me a break. Maybe it won't happen, but maybe it will.

I've been writing on and off, and going through old files. I'll let you know. I think I might be on a roll, maybe. Maybe I'm actually on a roll this time. Also, I have been painfully neglectful towards the Picture of Dorian Gray the past couple of days, so expect me to be obsessing over that for a day or two. That picture is from middle school, please note how I literally look exactly the same. Cool. It was mix match day, by the way, just to clear up any confusion, although I will admit, fishnets are a personal staple of mine. HAHH.

I love you!
-Loch.

p.s. about 3% of you or less may see that picture again somewhere. Beware.

the classy appreciate fine literature.

That picture was on my work's register computer. It makes me think of hard candy and cherry soda. I really hope someone else feels the same. It has no relevance to anything at all, and I'm pretty sure it was one of the standard ones that comes with your computer, but I hope you all like it!
So I would like for everyone to know that on Sunday I was sitting in the back at work reading Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, which is amazing by the way, and my brain put on its dancing shoes and had a freaking party without telling me first. Not that I mind at all, but it was very impromptu, and it definitely got the creative gears oiled and churning away. Probably beneficial in the long run. I just kept reeling out stuff that I literally hadn't even considered until right then, and I started writing the epilogue to whatever it is I'm writing, which is good because that's the part I had hoped to get finished first, because the rest of the book sort of relies on it, even though you won't really get that until you read it at the very end. I think it's either going to end up being a novel or a novella. Short story is most definitely out of the question at this point, and I'm feeling novel, but it could very well end up being much more brief than I'd expected. I didn't realize I was taking so much inspiration from Alice in Wonderland until I saw the movie last night and I realized that while they are entirely different premises, I've managed to make mine as trippy. Also, Alice in Wonderland was really good. Johnny Depp will never cease to amaze me with his unfailing capacity to play the part of a complete lunatic, and while doing so make said lunatic unbelievably appealing. Speaking of other appealing lunatics, I could not be more in love with Lady Gaga. If you haven't seen Telephone yet, go watch it. She and Beyonce could not possibly be more fierce.
Since I know what you guys are really itching for me to talk about, I'll oblige and give you the dish- my spring break has been great so far. Despite the obscene amount of extra hours I seem to have this week, which really isn't something I'm all that averted to because I took last weekend off for that church retreat and my paycheck was painfully small, I've managed to fit in quite a few social expenditures and am sufficiently exhausted, but still up for whatever whenever as long as I'm not trapped in the small retail hell I call my job. Granted, someone brought a box of microwave kettle corn to stash in the back so now I can eat whenever I want. I'm typing this entry on the register computer right now as I tend to several customers- there's this family and these obnoxious kids keep trying to go in the back, and I have to pee and I'm really annoyed. I hope no one I work with ever sees this, or at least if they do it's after I've already rolled out, because if they do I don't think they'll be particularly fond of keeping me on the job. It's not all that bad, it's just very easy to get tired of.
I don't have a whole lot to say right now, but it's been a while since I've updated. I've noticed that a lot of people update their blogs like once a month, which weirds me out. I just don't feel comfortable if I go for too long leaving you guys hanging, you know? Maybe I'm the weird one. Whatever. I'll be back in a couple of days. To be honest, I might be back later tonight.
LAHHHVE,
Loch.

2/13/10

The snow is all starting to melt :( Today I walked out of my work to go across the street for a water bottle, and water was literally gushing out of the storm drains. Also, my work flooded last night. Not because of the storm, but because of the pizza place next door. Cool?
This morning though, there was snow everywhere. It was weird- I would look out, and for a half second my brain would try to figure out where the color went. There's something really strange about looking around in Texas and only being able to see white. It was just so bright and surreal, I honestly had a lot of trouble comprehending it. I was just looking at the snow and thinking, what is that stuff really, and why is it here? It was very unusual. I guess that makes me southern?
That is a picture of a rabbit I saw hiding in a snow dune yesterday. I was taking a walk in the snow after I woke up, and I looked next to me, and there it was. At first I thought it was a rock, but then I looked closer and I realized I'd never seen a rock look that frightened before. It made me realize how glad I was that I could get out of the cold- plants and animals have to stay outside all night while we curl up under the covers. It just made me kind of sad for a little bit, but the rabbit was absolutely adorable and perfect.
I broke 1K last night, on whatever it is I've been typing. I was proud of myself. Starting it was weird, because the file had originally been written in first person, so I tried changing it to third person, and it just completely ruined the effect. I had the hardest time figuring out what I was going to do, but I think I worked it out quite nicely, and the whateveritis is officially in third person, just not the first part, sort of. It's going well, and my character that I'm working on at the moment is developing quite nicely, thank you for asking :)
I think I have a love hate relationship with the human race. I definitely have a hate relationship with retail. Today my coworker left the store for like an hour and a half to go out to lunch, and immediately upon her leaving like eight people came in and it was just all over the place. So I started thinking about how rude some people can be, really, because a lot of them are jerks, but I had a hard time saying I hated them, because I don't think I actually hate anything, except vegetables and school buses and chemistry and now retail. But even those things have provided me with memories that I seriously doubt I will ever want to get rid of. Except vegetables, those have provided me with nothing but disgust. There's a grand total of two things in my life that I actually hate, vegetable being one, the other remaining unnamed on the interweb, but I can honestly say that people, while not exactly being on my good list, are not on my hated list either. Mostly because I love them too much. I also love people visiting me at my job- if you know where I work, come see me. It really does brighten my day.
Tonight a friend and I went on a shopping trip and purchased a close friend of mine some birthday presents. She is now the proud new owner of a glitter vibrator and a 41" Katana sword. Everyone, this is your cue to be jealous.
I think I pulled a muscle in my chest. Every time I move my arms, my cardiac region aches. It's not so much painful as it is strange. Also, I've felt nauseous all night, but I've eaten just as unhealthily and frequently as I normally do, and I haven't gotten sick yet, so hopefully I'm not dying. I think it's going to pass in a few hours.
I saw Wolfman tonight. It was funny and disgusting. I liked it. I did not, however, think the main character was as wildly attractive as everyone else seems to. I don't remember his name, but he looked really cracked out and his eyelid pudge was way too droopy for my liking. Eckhh.
I am either going to sleep or reading or writing or doing my precal homework, or doing something else entirely. I hope you are all having a wonderful night. This morning I woke up on the couch and realized I hadn't slept in my bed the night before at all- hope that the same thing doesn't happen to me again, because I don't think my neck could take it.
Sleep well,
Loch.

the classy are not immune to distractions.

This week has been really good and really bad in about twenty different ways. It occurs to me who I do and don't care about, and just how much I do and don't care. I've been thinking too much about college and not enough about why I'm going to it. Which is to write, by the way. I've gotten into eight schools, and I'm waiting to hear back from a ninth. I think I finally decided where I want to go, and I think I'm going to double major in journalism and comparative literature, and maybe minor in music or history. Hopefully, assuming money allows it, I'll be a few states away from Texas in the fall. Also, I work at a summer camp every summer, but it's starting to look like this year I'll be staying home.

That is a picture of my violin, Rondo from K159 by Mozart, a Motorola razor that I've had since the tenth grade, and a scenic view of beautiful suburbia. I was in a middle school auditorium yesterday for solo and ensemble competition, which, indeed, is the location of this photo. I promise I wasn't just there by myself, I just got the picture at an angle that happens to exclude everyone else in the room. Go figure. In case you're curious, I think my ensemble did well. I'll let you know when I figure out how we scored.

Have you ever wished you could google pictures? The worst is when you look at a picture you see somewhere and think to yourself, gee, I wonder what that is, maybe I'll google it, only to realize that there's no way you could transpose that photograph into something that a google search bar would deem intelligible. Oh, the many hardships of life and research.

Today, my coworker, who's in graduate school for speech therapy, gave me this therapy test session thing for practice, and I don't think I've ever felt smarter, or stupider. Just saying. I hate those things where you have to read of the color of a word that says a different color.

The Superbowl is on this weekend and I could honestly care less. I think it's on TV right now? I'm going to a skit rehearsal for church in a few hours and I don't plan on watching anything football related tonight, except maybe some commercials. Those are fun. I bought some books this week that I plan on delving into tonight, along with finishing my psychology homework, which I have a lot for, and maybe reading for English. maybe.

Speaking of books I bought this week, Voltaire is currently warping my brain. You see, I have a hard time making myself read books that are required. Don't get me wrong, I read a lot- just not when I'm forced. There are, however, rare occasions in which I will begin reading a book for English and will be absolutely unable to put it down because it's so perfect. This is how I developed my affections for John Steinbeck and Ray Bradbury. Last year, I read most of all of the books in class, because they were mostly from more recent literary movement, and the vast majority of them were written in prose, which I definitely have a preference for. This year we've been reading a lot of epic poetry from more ancient time periods, which I have a harder time concentrating on. I haven't finished a single book we've been assigned this year, and I've only ever gotten around to starting a few. Recently though, we've been moving forward along the linguistic/artistic timeline, and after we're through reading Paradise Lost, which has an amazing plot line, by the way, but way to much verse for me to stomach, we're reading Candide by Voltaire. It came out in the 1750's, and at first Voltaire refused to admit he wrote it because, at the time, it was probably both the funniest and most offensive novel ever written. It's absolutely hysterical, I can't stop reading it and we don't even have to start for another like, two or three weeks.

It basically about this idiot named Candide who gets kicked out of his castle, and convinces himself that everything is happening for the greater good despite how undeniably awful his life keeps on getting. It's interesting, because I believe absolutely and completely that everything happens for a reason, so I'm exactly the kind of person who this book pokes fun at, but it's still so hard to put it down.

I've gotten all my stuff together for my internship application, in case you were wondering. All of my writing examples are set up in a cute little binder with my resume and cover letter, and I'm ready to be impressive.

Writing has been slow but steady. I'm still functioning off of the older files I've come across, and nothing too terribly exciting is going on except a few gears turning in my head. It's all necessary, though. I'll keep updating.

I'm trying to blog every two days or so, which hasn't been happening lately, but I promise I'll try harder. I really feel like it helps me get some of the words out of my head. I feel like these are getting longer and longer every time I update.

I hope this week goes well for everyone. Expect to hear back from me tomorrow or Tuesday. If you don't, I give you permission to write me an angry letter.

love,

Loch.

classy people in classy places.

I had an orchestra rehearsal after school today, and I spent my time afterwards nomming on Chipotle and running around WalMart in a shopping cart. I feel accomplished, fat and happy, and ready to write.

Last night I sat down and did some seriously reevaluation of what was going on with my current writing processes. I went through all the word documents on my laptop and deleted the useless ones and duplicates, and started expanding something seriously. Then, my entire world flipped upside down. I am still unsure of things so I'm going to wait to post an explanation until I feel more like I'm standing on solid ground, but take my word for it that I would be stupid not to write a memoir now. My night got infinitely more interesting and dangerous and exhilarating and terrifying in the span of roughly 2.8 seconds. I will let you know in a couple of posts once I'm for sure about a few more things.

I'm still, however, going to work on what I began expanding last night, because I do think it has potential, plus I have serious inhibitions about allowing the first thing I publish to be a memoir. I mean seriously? Way to scream pompous at those wandering the bookshelves in Barnes & Nobles. I came up with a bunch of characters and started developing them last night. You know, there's something about finally giving a character a name that makes them really alive- it might turn them into someone you don't want them to be, but at least they're someone, you know? Names change everything.

I'm having a lot of trouble focusing right now and I should probably be working on my AP English 4 homework, but rest assured that I'll be back soon, and eventually you might get to hear about my ridiculously interesting life. The picture is a tribute to WalMart in all it's glory. Als, thank you for pushing the cart, and Jen, thanks you for taking the picture and capturing my true essence on film.

Stay classy, all you cool cats,

Loch.

always make your entrance classy.

Hello, I'm Alexandra, and I'm a budding novelist.

I decided recently that blogging would be a good way to do several things, some of which include getting the rapid flow of ideas sorted out in my head so I can write more efficiently, and to help me work out some things with my style. I was completely clueless concerning what I would actually write about, though- that was the problem. I can't very well publish my novels serially on the interweb, and the thought of posting plot ideas gives me the heebie jeebies. So today, walking to class, I was discussing this dilemma with a close friend of mine, and she immediately said that I should be like Julia Child. I had no idea what she meant, and she explained to me that I should follow whatever it is I'm writing through a blog: that is, not publish it, but more tell people how it's going. So, that's what I've decided to do.

I am a senior in high school. I plan to have my first work published by the end of my sophomore year of college. These are my records.

Here's the low down on where I am right now-

I had writers block for a while, starting in sophomore year and running through most of junior year. Honestly I didn't pay as much attention to it as I should've for a while; I think it's because junior year was my first year on newspaper staff, so I was writing articles once a month anyway, which held me over pretty well. Then over summer, I went to work at summer camp, and I guess something went on there with my psyche because when I came home in August, I couldn't stop coming up with ideas. It wasn't as bad at first, it started slow. I got two or three good ideas between August and November, all of which I planned on persuing. I was going to see which one went the best, and make that one my main focus. Unfortunately, in November, any restraint the right side of my brain had possessed was gone. It got to the point where I was typing out monologues on a text message draft on my Motorola razor between classes. It wasn't even plot ideas any more, it was just random scenes of novels that I haven't looked at as a whole, like picking up a book and only reading a page except I was the one reeling it out. I have so many things written and only so much time. Right now, it's looking like I'm going to try and form a collection of short stories, andhave that be what I publish first, but who knows. Maybe between now and the end of my sophomore year of college that'll change.

The picture of Julia Child is for my friend- Zay, I hope you enjoy that. You too Jay, because I know she's your girl crush. I would like to state that I did not take that picture, nor do I claim to have taken it. Kudos to whoever did. I did, however, grayscale it and crop it a little.

All of you, stay classy. You'll hear back from me soon.

Signing off,

Alexandra Loch.