I just kick it from my head

"We need not be let alone. We need to be bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real?"

-Loch

howl

"Actual happiness always looks pretty squalid in comparison with the over-compensations for misery. And, of course, stability isn't nearly so spectacular as instability. And being contented has none of the glamour of a good fight against misfortune, none of the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a fatal overthrow by passion or doubt.
Happiness is never grand."

fight, fight, fight, live

-Loch

house made of paper

Dr. Pepper does not taste as good without whisky.

There are not enough hours in the day and thoughts are building building building up and I'm editing when I should be making phone calls. I am tearing everything apart and rebuilding. Sorry I'm posting twice.

Take cover, signs don't show,
you drove me off the road,
but you let go cause your hope is gone,
and every question fades away

You tread water, fighting for the air in your lungs,

move, move closer,

maybe you can right all your wrongs.

It's a shame you don't know what you're running from.
Would your bones have to break and your lights turn off,
would it take the end of time to hear your heart's false start?
You know this is your biggest mistake, 
what a waste, what a waste, what a waste,
and of all the things you never explained,
you know this is your biggest mistake.


Wipe the mud stains from your face,
stop the engine, stop pretending.
Wipe the mud stains from your face, stop the engine,
stop pretending that your still breathing.


-loch

p.s. happy birthday Kay Elle, I love youu <3

look at me now,

I'm getting paper.

 Oh solitude! If I must with thee dwell,

let it not be among the jumbled heap 

of murky buildings; climb with me the steep-

nature's observatory- whence the dell,

its flowery slopes, its river's crystal swell,

may seem a span; let me thy vigils keep

'mongst boughs pavillion'd, where the deer's swift leap

startles the wild bee from the fox-glove bell.

But though I'll gladly trade these scenes with thee,

yet the sweet converse of an innovent mind,

whose words are images of thoughts refined,

is my soul's pleasure; and it sure must be

almost the highest bliss of human kind,

when to they haunts two kindred spirits flee.

-loch

you don't know what you don't know

I lied when I said that old people eating alone makes me sadder than anything else in the world.
Don't get me wrong, they're def a close second, but they're not the top of the list. I think what makes me the saddest is knowing that there are people out there who are simply mean. They've been kicked so many times while they were down that they don't know how else to be, and it's also not their fault. It just really bothers me that some people never learned how to be kind.

I love you,
Loch.

let the water win

WHY DO I LIKE EVERYONE SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I have no idea what mood I'm in.
Love,
Loch.

i dragged you back, sleepyhead

I'm sitting outside of my local community college right now, lamenting that class let out so ridiculously early and being annoyed with my dad for not answering his phone. My summer school government lecture normally lets out an hour later than this and I'm beginning to think I might be here for that long. It's not so bad though, because it's breezy and not too hot out and if i don't look up at the parking lot, I can kind of pretend that I'm back home in Austin, which is where I've really wanted to be for the past couple of days.

I hate making decisions. I would vastly prefer to let other people make them for me for the rest of my life. I really don't make my own choices that often- I just wait until something good falls on me and then I run with it. Unfortunately, sometimes what seems like a good thing isn't always the best thing :/ There are a lot of things that I want but I need to figure out what I need to give up and what's worth it.
In case you missed the newsflash, chapter three is up. Chapter four is in the works as we speak.
Iloveyouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu,
Loch.

stars on your ceiling

The bitchiest text I ever sent was only three words long.
It was to an ex who'd just gotten fired and probably inhaled more THC than oxygen. I texted him to let him know that a smoke shop nearby was hiring. He never responded, because in retrospect, he was prob offended, or at least as offended as you can be while you're stoned. At the time, I honestly just figured he might like to know because we both liked the store.
The moral of this anecdote is not that I shouldn't have sent it and certainly not that I'm sorry. I just want to say that sometimes, even though we might not know that we mean what we say, we usually end up saying what needs to be said.
I think I'm actually making a decision for once? This blog post does not mean what you think it does.


"I developed a sense that meaning itself was resident in the rhythms of words and sentences and paragraphs, a technique for withholding whatever it was I thought or believed behind an increasingly impenetrable polish. The way I write is who I am,"


Love,
Loch.

ghosts n stuff

I am not good.

I get a rush from shoplifting. I'm vain and conceited. I'm probably an alcoholic, or I'm going to be within the next three months. I lie and I cheat and I steal to get what I want. I talk my way out of everything and play dumb to get people on my side. I play people without realizing, and sometimes while being totally aware of what I'm doing. I don't really have a lot of boundaries, I have a mouth like a sailor and I'm kind of a slut. I justify it all as "getting material for writing." I do things like post blogs about how terrible I am so that people will read them and think that I'm not so terrible. I spin everything. I try desperately to convince myself that I'm in the right but when I fall asleep at night, I don't feel right anymore. I just feel alive in a weird way and different than I used to, and I wonder if everything will end up alright or if I deserve for it to. 

I have perfect friends and I don't know why, I certainly didn't earn them. 

I love you,

Loch

you know it's real.

chapter three is up, finafuckingly-

http://www.fictionpress.com/~alexandraloch
http://alexandraloch.deviantart.com/

It's a bit of a filler, really, and it won't actually be it's own chapter in the long run. I read through the first two and legitimately considered taking them down.
Tonight was interesting enough!

Love,
Loch.