yellow sundress

-Loch

I just kick it from my head

"We need not be let alone. We need to be bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real?"

-Loch

you don't know what you don't know

I lied when I said that old people eating alone makes me sadder than anything else in the world.
Don't get me wrong, they're def a close second, but they're not the top of the list. I think what makes me the saddest is knowing that there are people out there who are simply mean. They've been kicked so many times while they were down that they don't know how else to be, and it's also not their fault. It just really bothers me that some people never learned how to be kind.

I love you,
Loch.

expect me to believe

You know what's strange?
Have you ever heard the phrase "home town boy?" Sometimes I feel like a hometown girl. I feel connected there and for the past three and a half months or so I've been even more connected but that just ended and now I'm just kind of floating back and forth, and there's nothing really tying me back there anymore. My friends here are closer to me than they were before and while a month ago I had every excuse to go back all the time, now I don't really have any.
What's strange is the realization that after this summer,  I probably won't be going back to Plano too often unless a couple of things change drastically. Unless it's for Winter break, but even then I'll have the apartment in Austin, and over summer I'll probably be here. Second semester of next year I might be in Singapore. I'm realizing that Plano is home, but now Austin is home too and one day Plano won't be home anymore. One day I'll move and my hometown will be a memory I think about sometimes, and I wonder if the people that matter now will matter then, or I guess really if they'll want to because it's not so much up to me anymore. Who will I know and who will I love? Where will I be?
I guess I just realized that I'm running out of chances and summer might be the last one that I have. Time goes by a lot faster than I thought that it did before I started college.


You are everything,
Loch.


ps. if I wanted to be around you, you would probably know. don't force me to make it clearer.

i can't tell you what it really is

The most frustrating things are small, like the weather dropping ten degrees and sleeping through your alarm and taking the wrong bus and how it's physically not possible to eat and sleep at the same time. The most frustrating things also tend to involve me being late, hence giving me more time to think. Even though I'm always late. Except for when I'm early.

I listened to journalists talking about conflict in the Middle East tonight and it only reinforced my interests in politics and international affairs. I wish I could take my own pictures, and that when  I did they weren't just half assed pictures of me via webcam. I also wish I had more time to write and I could still eat free pizza whenever I wanted and that I were still friends with everyone I've ever been friends with. I want it to be warm and rainy for the rest of my life, and I'm finding that novelist loch is becoming increasingly jealous of journalist loch for actually having a job/published work. A blog does not count as published work if it's not work.
sincerely yours,
Loch.

extra bright

Turn up the lights in here baby, extra bright, I want y'all to see this,

turn up the lights in here baby, you know what I need, 

want you to see everything, want you to see all of the lights.

Fast cars, shooting stars, all of the lights,

until it's vegas everywhere we are, all of the lights.

If you want it you can get it for the rest of your life.

Something's wrong, I hold my head,

MJ's gone, our nigg* dead!

I slapped my girl, she called the feds,

I did that time and spent that bread.

I'm heading home, I'm almost there,

I'm on my way, heading up the stairs.

To my surprise, a nigg* replaceing me,

I had to take him to that ghetto university

Restraining order, can't see my daughter. 

Her mother, brother, grandmother hate me in that order.

Public visitation, we met at Borders,

told her she take me back, I'll be more supportive. 

I made mistakes, I bump my head, 

courts suck me dry, I spent that bread. She need a daddy,

baby please, can't let her grow up in that ghetto university,

cop lights, flash lights, spot lights,

strobe lights, street lights,

fast life, drug life, thug life, rock life 

every night,

Getting mine, baby, gotta let these n*ggas know, yeah.

Get it right, ay, you should go and get your own.

Unemployment line, credit card declined, 

did I not mention I was about to lose my mind? 

And also was about to do that line,

okay, okay, you know we going all the way this time,

we going all the way this time.

Turn up the lights in New York, baby, extra bright, I want y'all to see this.

turn up the lights in New York, baby, you know what I need, 

want you to see everything, want you to see all of the lights.

I tried to tell you but all I could say is ohhhh,

I tried to tell you but all I could say is ohhhh, 

I tried to tell you but all I could say is ohhhh.

-Kanye West, Rihanna, Fergie, Kid Cudi, Alicia Keys, Elton John

Sometimes I like reading lyrics more than I like listening to actual songs. My horoscopes have been weirdly accurate lately, and I keep having a variation of basically the same dream. I promise I'll post something real later today, I promise :)

Love, 

Loch.

put your red dress on

When I have fears that I may cease to be

   Before my pen has glean'd my teeming brain,

Before high piled books, in charactry,

   Hold like rich garners the full ripen'd grain;

When I behold, upon the night's starr'd face,

   Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,

And think that I may never live to trace

   Their shadows, with the magic hand of chance;

And when I feel, fair creature of an hour,

   That I shall never look upon thee more,

Never have relish in the fairy power

   Of unreflecting love;-- then on the shore

Of the wide world I stand alone, and think

   Till love and fame to nothingness do sink.

-Keats

<3,

Loch.

cop lights, flash lights, spot lights

I think that the only genuine regret I have is that I didn't keep this blog a secret from the people I know.

-Loch.

forget-me-nots and marigolds

This week has been spent working at cici's and running around Plano and not sleeping. I'm home for spring break and I'm ridiculously happy to be here. There is a shitton of pizza in my life and a couple of people who I love but almost never get to see and a few who make me really happy. I always forget how stable plano is when I leave.
I wrote another scene today that I've never written before. I think there's something about writing while I'm on break at cici's, but I feel like that stuff always comes out the best. It's kind of weird but I know exactly where it'll fit in with the rest of what I'm writing, it's just frustrating a little bit because it's gonna go at the end and I was trying really hard to make myself write in order so that things would make more sense. It hasn't really been working too well the past couple of days, though :/ Oh, I got pulled over tonight for the first time. I guess in retrospect I really should've seen it coming, I've kind of been asking for it for a while now, but it was terrifyingggg. 
Also, brief rant. When you are a freshman in college, you should not act like you are in the seventh grade. Chill with the cliques and shit and get over yourself. It's annoying. That's all!
I'm really, really sorry that it's taken me so long to post. Last week was excessive for a couple of reasons and this week I've just been trying to enjoy home as much as I can before I have to go back to Austin.

I probably love you regardless of whether or not you think I do,
Loch.

like a riot

So sentimental, not sentimental, no!
Romantic, not disgusting yet. 
Darling I'm down and lonely when with the fortunate only.
I've been looking for something else,
do let, do let, do let jugulate do let, do let, do,


Let's go slowly, discouraged,
distant from other interests on your favorite weekend ending, 
this love's for gentlemen only. No, I gotta be someone else.
These days it comes, it comes, it comes, it comes, it comes,
and goes.

Follow, misguide, stand still, disgust, discourage,
on this precious weekend ending, this love's for gentlemen only
wealthiest gentlemen only.
And now that you're lonely,
do let, do let, do let jugulate do let, do let, do,

Let's go slowly, discouraged, we'll burn the pictures instead.
When it's all over we can barely discuss for one minute only,
not with the fortunate only, thought it could have been someone else.
These days it comes, it comes, it comes, it comes, it comes,
and goes.

Lisztomania, think less but see it grow
like a riot, like a riot,
oh, I'm not easily offended.
It's not hard to let it go 
from a mess to the masses.

-pheonix
Love,
Loch.

caught in the undertow

Life keeps getting better and absofuckinlutley better without giving me any warning at all.

I don't really understand anything at all, so this is probably the best time to write.
-Loch

I have harbored great things

I huff gasoline from your shirt and blur the questions that no one could ever answer,

I empty my head of all that I know, seems like the best view is the one from below.

We are anti-movement, we are anti-anti,

one time we believed but now we don't even try and I,

I can't cut a rug without my fashion drugs,

inebriation brings revelation,

I will burn your love letters in a parking deck 

where I have harbored great things that I will never confess,

We keep fresh paint on the countenance, 

now we keep it simple to make it more complex,

We are anti-movement, we are anti-anti,

one time we believed but now it's passé and cliché and she'll say 

anything to make you move again,

But is it the truth? I don't care if it is.

Getting down in the town that makes no sound,

You say there's nothing wrong but I don't hear it.

-snowden
<3,

Loch.

hardest part of living

Last night was scary and long. That's really all. I wanna write but I'm tired.

I'm lucky to have the most amazing people in the world in my life. Mentally, I'm hazy. 
Love, but not too quickly,
Loch.

do it right tonight

I can't decide if I feel like drinking or not. I love you? That's all I have to say, hahh.

On a side note. Sometimes, guys can be disgusting. Have some fucking dignity and notice that you are changing for the worst. I am really grossed out. 
grow up please, thank you.
<3
Loch.


ps. boyfriend, do not be alarmed. this is not about you. hahahhh you are wonderful and I am lucky :)

dance in the light

Last night I wrote a shit ton.
It was the first night in a while that I had the night off to just sit back and do nothing. I would've been covering an awards show, but they ran out of media seats so I ended up in my dorm room by 7:30 pm, and I literally didn't know what to do with myself. I think I've forgotten how to have down time. Anywho, I found a spiral I'd barely written in and decided that needed to be remedied, and I wrote wayyyy more than I was expecting. So that was good. And I wrote content that I wasn't expecting, the kind of shit I don't usually delve into, so I'm going to wait a few hours and then edit and hopefully it'll be readable because I'm going to have to write stuff like that sooner or later. I might actually change around a few things and post it somewhere. It felt good, getting all those words onto paper. 
I have literally been daydreaming all day about the beach- it's a little sad. I just want to be by the ocean, sunning and reading a good book and then eating and dancing and possibly getting drunk, preferably surrounded by people I love. Spring break is unlikely to bring that kind of scenario since I'm heading back to p-town, but a girl can dream, yeah? Not that I don't love plano, because I do, really. It's just that I can go there whenever I want, you know? I'm also dreaming of doing plano-y things, don't worry. Like going to the asian market and hitting up the cici's shopping center that I basically spend my life in and going to the park and staying up all night watching true blood and floating leisurely in julia's pool even though she won't be home. I don't know how many more of those times I'm gonna get after this year and I want to savor it while I can.... with some beach time thrown in.
I love you you are my favorite,
Loch.


ps. wolfpack, that is a picture of me howling for you. <3

of your eyes, begonia skies

There was a time when meadow, grove, and stream,
The earth, and every common sight,
             To me did seem
          Apparelled in celestial light,
The glory and the freshness of a dream.
It is not now as it hath been of yore;-- 
         Turn whereso'er I may,
             By night or day,
The things which I have seen I now can see no more. 


-William Wordsworth

<3
Loch.

lovers in Japan

Lovers, keep on the road you're on,

runners, until the race is run,

soldiers, you've got to soldier on,

sometimes even right is wrong.

Tonight maybe we're gonna run, dreaming of the Osaka sun,

dreaming of when the morning comes,

They are turning my head out to see what I'm all about,

keeping my head down to see what it feels like now,

But I have no doubt,

one day, we are gonna get out.

<3

Loch.

pretty sure it ruled

So on Friday I was walking to get dinner with this girl and she mentioned that people were going to Dallas the next morning for my friends birthday and that there was an extra seat in the car, so I went. Taking an impromptu road trip is really head clearing, as it turns out, plus I got to see some people I missed a lot. Some shit went down but overall, last night was entirely worth the hangover. It was the first time I've ever done something that unplanned and it was really good :)

I'm in the newsroom right now, waiting on edits and writing and wishing that I had coffee/a water bottle that I left in my dorm. 

Love, 
Loch.

hott and dangerous,

So I started talking to someone at a party last night and eventually came upon the fact that we are both novelists. He was writing a satire on southern California and the public school system, and talking to him was fascinating and he made me want to be a better writer. I called my novel Sci-Fi again, for the first time in a while, actually. He told me that he finished a novel in college (he had graduated one or two years ago) and that it wasn't very good in retrospect. I hope that doesn't happen to me. The conversation was long and difficult to shake.

Love, 
Loch.


*This was written on Saturday morning.

if i do what i love

I'm sitting on a couch in the union right now waiting to go meet someone to do an interview, watching the rain die down and thinking about the emails I'm waiting for and being somewhere foreign. There is only one thing in my life that I would change right now and it's making me a little uneasy, because when things go this well it's usually the calm before a storm.
Words change everything. Whether we realize it or not and certainly whether we like it or not, words and language form the lenses that we see the world through. They create the space we live in and our perception of it. Nothing really exists without communication, and harnessing it can make you the most powerful person in the world, if you're good at it. The trick is that it's difficult to know whether or not you're actually good.
The sun is starting to come out again.
Love always,
Loch.