In the wake of Saturday

I'm typing this blog from a hotel room in Austin. I've stayed at this hotel before but this time feels more pungent because tomorrow morning when I check out, I'm not driving back home.

This past week has been full of shoving books and sweaters into Sterilite containers, getting unnecessarily emotional, saying goodbye to the people I grew up with, and realizing I actually need to buy things like Kleenexes. This summer has been full of late nights, new friends, slight but expected disappointments, and some of my absolute favorite pictures to go back and look at. Now suddenly it's gone, and right now the memories are so close I can smell them, but in two months, they'll be so distant it'll seem like years have passed. It's terrifying, but the speed that life is suddenly going is undeniably exhilarating.

Tomorrow morning I'm moving into a dorm room and starting my life as a college freshman. :)

Please expect more frequent updates. I love you with everything that I have.

- Loch :)

suddenly I can't stay in this room,

Yesterday, I got legit angry at someone for the first time in a long time. Like, fuming. It was actually a reallyyy nice release of energy, you know? I feel like I've filled my angry quota and I'm pretty much gonna stay happy for a while now,

Last night, I had my laptop with me, but not my flash drive. Which was frustrating, because the reason I brought my laptop with me in the first place was so that I could sit down and force myself to work on the two projects I got so into at the beginning of the summer, odd couple and 3. The goings on of the past couple of days made me realize I've been neglecting my babies a little too much this summer. Any who, I was def annoyed when I realized that I was at least missing the most recent copies, but then I remembered that every so often I back up my flash-drive on my hard drive, so if my flash drive gets eaten by an elephant or some other horrible disaster occurs, I won't be completely SOL. So I started going through the hard drive on my laptop to see what I could find. Odd Couple was wayy too recent to be on there, which didn't surprise me, but I found 3, which was only missing about a fourth of the file. While I was on there, I went through a bunch of older files, because I couldn't remember what most of them were, and a lot of times I can get easy inspiration from older things I've written that I've forgotten about. So I'm reading through these older files, and I'm seeing the common threads that I always do, and the characters with different names who are basically all the same, and then it hits me. I figured everything out. I'm changing 3 around completely. The characters are getting makeovers, the main character is getting renamed, and I figured out the plot line. It was really exciting and I thought you all should hear about it :)

By the way, I just wanna say that this bitch ordered a pizza from me last night, and telling y'all the story would involve a lot of cici's speak so I won't subject you to that, but just putting this out there, rudeness is unnecessary. I honestly don't understand it. It takes more energy to be rude, you feel better when you're nice, and frankly, when you're rude too often you start running out of original bitchy comebacks so you have to start reusing them and then you just sound like an idiot. BE NICE. Collect good karma. Being a pleasant person really isn't that difficult. That's all.


Love from the very deepest cavern of my heart,
Loch :)

bitter and dumb, you're my sugarplum.

I am angry,
and this is all I have to say.

This summer I have done things that high school me would never have done. I have made decisions, and apparently I have made some that were stupid. This has been brought to my attention.
Senior year taught me two things: there is literally no one in the world that you can trust no matter how close to you they are, because while they may have your best intentions at heart you have no control over what they do, and that happiness is a choice. This summer I made the mistake of letting my guard down. It fucked up my writing. This summer I also learned that you can't be happy if you don't take chances.

This summer I lost focus. My life is about the writing I produce, and I veered from that. It's probably better I realize that now, as opposed to when I get to school.
I am going to write. I love you if you're reading this.
-Loch.

please tell me that you're alright.

I'm starting this post before I go get free drinks for some friends at my job, but they're coming to get me soon so I probably won't finish it until after my shift. I wanted to let you guys know that I think the ball might be rolling again, maybe.
Last night I was lying in bed, trying desperately to STOP thinking about why I was so bothered and START thinking of little sheep to count, when suddenly something hit me, and I rolled over and wrote for a good ten minutes, and frankly, it was not at all what I was expecting. I mean, I knew an epiphany would come around one way or another, but I was pretty much channeling the lovechild of Edgar Allen Poe and Shel Silverstein. Fuhreaky. But maybe it'll go somewhere. Poetrys been happening a lot lately? And I hadn't realized until the other night when I was explaining it to someone, and I was like, oh. I haven't written a lot of prose in a while. But I'm taking a poetry class first semester, so maybe this is a good thing?
PS, I move on the 21st. I quit work in ten days. :( but soon I'll be in college! :D

I lied, I'm not finishing this post until right now. Which is the next day, by the way. This girl from work I've bonded with super quickly spent the night at my house last night and we basically laughed hysterically for hours on end. Today I cut allllll of my hair off. And by all I mean over ten inches. The before and after pictures are above. Guess which one is which!
This has been the craziest summer of my life. If I'm doing everything else, I guess I might as well do my hair.
So much love, I'll come back later, I swear. I'm preoccupied. LOVE LOVE LOVE always,
Loch.

P.S. exactly two weeks until I'm officially living the dorm life.

this could be beautiful.

Writing is really all over the place right now. I'm sorry I haven't been posting, but for a few reasons in particular, my ability to type anything worth reading has been comparable to a roller coaster as of late. If things are going the way I think they are after tonight, then that should clear up soon, I hope.

There's only one thing I really have to talk about right now, and normally I would wait until I'd collected a few other tidbits before I rant about it, but lately I'm feeling like this is becoming more and more prevalent in my life.
Friendship should be easy. Friendship should not be a chore, or something you have to wake up every morning and tend to. It should blossom on it's own, and it should not need help growing. Unfortunately, I feel like too many of us are placing too many rules on something that should be effortless. Too many people are riddling their friendships with unnecessary obligations.
If you want friends, chill. The best friendships are easy ones. That's all I'm sayin, yo.

I lied, I have one more thing. It's short though.
My entire personality is made up of an interesting assortment of flaws, but the one that probably gets me into the most trouble while getting me what I want the quickest is my general lack of self control. I have almost none. If I want to do something, there is a 99% chance I'll do it.
That seems to be coming up in conversation more frequently lately, and what I'll say is this: I get that sometimes it makes my life a lot harder. But there are situations in which I honestly can't understand people who would stop themselves from doing what they want. I understand that it gets me into trouble and it does make some situations sticky, but the amount of times it's ultimately gotten me what I want make up for that tenfold. I think everyone should just do what they want.

I hope you all have a goodnight. Hopefully I'll be back soon. Much love, yeah?
-Loch

obsessive minus progressive

"What do you see right now? You see exactly and only what I choose to show you. That is illusion, Ivy. That is the lie that I tell your eyes. Making the magic happen, in the moment, in that split second, but seeing behind this motherfucker and knowing that it's all bullshit. But I can shape it, I can shift it, I can make it as real as this room. And that's why I'm valuable here Ivy, and that is why you are not."

-Smokin' Aces

"What I don't get is this new obsession with choices. Why is it so nessecary to decide between being a firefighter or an astraunaut? Why can't you be a firefighter and an astraunaut?"
"Because fires don't break out in space?"
"Haha, you're hysterical. Seriously though, like in elementary school? Teachers are basically drilling into these kid's heads that they can only have one dream. I just can't wrap my head around that. These kids should have twelve dreams, a hundred different aspirations, and there's no reason why they shouldn't all come true. Success doesn't mean embracing one career that you focus on exclusivly, it means dying happy."
"Baby-"
"No, I'm being serious! There is no reason why you shouldn't be able to do everything. Especially now that with medicine you can live to be like 130. Really though, give me a decent reason you shouldn't be able to be a doctor and an artist."
"Time constraints?"
"Oh shut up. 130 years, seriously?"
"Maybe I like being a doctor?"
"That's the stupidest reason ever."
"Stupidest?"
"Smartass. You're seriously going to sit here and tell me you would pass up the totally grabbable opportunity of being a famous artist for the sole reason that you enjoy your job as a doctor? You've been drawing since you were like, born."
"Look babe, there's only so much time in a day."
"Alright, 24 hours. But how much of that time do you spend sleeping? Dreaming instead of doing?"
"..."
"Sleep is for the week, babe. You can do whatever the hell you want, you just don't think you can. You're the barrier. Time hasn't got a thing to do with it."




Why is everyone so afraid of being ugly? Being ugly is what makes you beautiful.
I promise I'll be posting more often now. I think I've broken through my block.
-Loch

block.

I can't write anything worth rereading.
I feel like there's something there, I really do. I'm grasping at it and I can't figure out what the hell it is.
I don't know what's going on?

stars still wish on the classy.

Today was really, really good, and it took tonight for me to realize just how little I've written lately and how badly that needs to change. I'm only posting this blog to tell you that. I'll write tomorrow. I'll also post again tomorrow. I would right now, but I'm really, really tired.
I love you with everything I have,
alexandra.

a motorcycle and a dinosaur

Last night was weird and generally unhappy. I had to miss one of my best friends birthdays because of work, so I was already annoyed, and then there was an ish with financial aide so that sucked, and I was up late yet again. But for some reason, I still feel unusually effervescent. That is a picture of my emotional state at le moment.
I went to my college orientation on Monday. Actually, it didn't start until Tuesday morning, but we drove down Monday night. I guess I haven't clarified yet, but I'll be stationed out of UT Austin in the fall. Any who, I spent Tuesday morning through Friday morning in Austin, and I could not possibly love it there more. There's something about Austin that makes me feel really at home, and you know how I'd wanted to go super far for college? I thought I'd be weirded out when I saw ten people that I knew from high school in the first four minutes of orientation, but I kind of dig it. It's nice to know I have backups to call if I'm really lonely. Seriously though, ten, and I swear I ended up seeing like a katrillion. I mostly hung out with new people though? So that was nice. I like making friends. And I got my scheduleeeeee, I love schedules :)
I emailed this music website about writing for them? They're like a super baby version of AP. Like really, really small and new, but with the same idea. So maybe that'll happen? It'd be cool, since the music scene in Austin is massive. Also, work has been putting me in an unusually good mood, for reasons I will not yet disclose :)
Writing has slowed. It will pick up soon. Don't fret. It's just that I've been out of town and I've been working since I got back in town. Speaking of which, I have to go get ready, because I'm supposed to be selling pizzas in thirty minutes. Hahh.
P3Ac3 0uT
-Loch

you can never come on too strong.

I am more unsure, happier, and more confident than I have been in a while. That is a picture that is blurry and very old. The little chapel in it reminded me of something from a book.
I haven't been writing enough lately, and I haven't been reading enough either. Both of those things make me very unthrilled. I got on a real roll developing a plot for this project, and suddenly it just stopped. Part of me wonders if maybe I just need to let it develop as it comes? I'm really hoping that's the case. I would hate to see this particular project go to waste- something tells me it might be worth something, and it's certainly one of the best things I've ever written. I even have a poem for the prologue and a surprise ending planned out! hahh. I think I need to spend some time developing characters, though. My friend Lee, whose blog you can reach on my sidebar, gave me a flash drive with some files on it as part of my birthday present, and one of the files is this fantastic list of character quirks, a few of which caught my eye, so I'm thinking about combining and twisting some of them around to get the ball rolling again. Cross your fingers?
In other news, the other project I was working on, which is the one I started after this first one fizzled out for the first time, has also been going slowly. In fact, lets call this one odd couple and the first one 3, because those are their file names. I think what got me with odd couple was characters also, but for a different reason- I have really complex ideas for several characters I want to develop, but for some reason it's just not happening. I think that while I'm a bit blocked on 3, I'm going to sit down and really focus on odd couple and see what I can get done, because I really like it as well. I think that 3 might be some of my best writing so far? But odd couple might have a more interesting plot line. I'm not sure yet. I'm positive that they'll be two very different finished projects, if things turn out the way I'm thinking they will, although at the moment nothings definitive.
I think, more than anything, that I really need to just sit down and read for a little bit. I've been buying books out the wazoo but I haven't made time to read any of them. Lately works been taking up the majority of my schedule, and the time not spent at work has been spent either trying to figure out how to get to work, thinking about college, or wondering why I can't get myself to write anything decent.
Speaking of college, my orientation is this week! I'm beyond excited. That's all about that. Also, I've been in a really, really good mood for the past couple of days, despite the lack of ingenious prose produced, for reasons I will disclose if and only if things go my way :)
I appreciate you like woah. You are my favorite.
I'm going to go look at that list of character traits, try and type a little bit, then read Ray Bradbury until I fall asleep. I'll be back soon.
Goodnight,
Alexandra.