along the eastern shore

my internal clock is busted.

That is a photograph of what I want my house to look like when I hit the point in my life during which I lock myself in my home and do nothing but write. None of these pictures are mine, again, but I have a feeling they're more enjoyable than a multitude of photos of my smiling face.

I want ambient lighting and time to think. This morning I took an exam then went back to sleep and woke up to a phone call at 3:30 pm. I'm not sure what I've eaten but I just went out and bought some cheese sticks and some red bull and I'm spending tonight cleaning my dorm before going to sleep only to wake up early tomorrow for a doctor's appointment that I'm absolutely dreading and the beginning of a weekend that isn't really a weekend at all.

Yesterday I figured out exactly what course my life is going to take.

I am obsessed with my career. If you knew me in high school, I haven't changed in terms of how I can go into "newspaper mode" (a phrase coined by close friends) as quickly as you can say "print is dying." But this really intense feeling always overwhelms me when I hear friends say that they don't know what they want to do. It's something similar to regret, maybe? A weird inverted nostalgia? Either way, sometimes I wish I wasn't sure either so I could go through college like everyone else, unsure and discovering themselves. Maybe I still have something to discover. 

More editing and trying to figure things out. Things are going, slowly but going going going.

You are my favorite.

Love, 

Loch.

ps. I am the real Loch Ness monster.

it's hard enough just to move

Right now I am sitting in PCL "studying for my bio test" and "working on my journalism project." Which really means I am sitting at a cubicle sipping coffee and trying to convince myself that skimming NYTimes.com and working on chapter two counts as doing actual work. Sometimes I kind of forget what you're supposed to do in college? Whatever, it worked out pretty well for me in high school.
I wish a journalism major didn't require me to learn so many things that aren't journalism. Will it really effect my reporting skills if I don't know anything about the evolution of vertebrates? I'm not really sure how the stuff I'm cramming into my head right now applies to anything in later life, and honestly, studying for it feels a lot more like wasting my time than working on my second chapter, or blogging, or digging out my violin and figuring out if I can still play after a month. I can understand where my sociology class would apply because of the medias effect on the public and things like that, but if I don't take an anthropology class before I graduate, will it really kill me? I guess I'm just confused, because I was pretty sure college was supposed to prepare me for later life, but a lot of times I feel like a required fine arts class, while interesting enough, is taking away from time and money I could be spending on becoming a world renowned journalist/novelist. I'm not asking a lot. Maybe just a current events class instead of a history class would be nice. I get it, history repeats itself, I've heard it before, but I'd just like something I can, you know, actually apply to my profession. And it's even more frustrating since I already have a job as a reporter, and granted it's at UT's newspaper (we're not technically affiliated with the university, but we still have to avoid pissing them off and stuff), but still. I would rather just go to work at DT, go home and work on my novel and be done with it. I just get this weird feeling sometimes that I'm taking actual classes solely for the purpose of being able to work for the paper and get some good writing material/some decent language classes. That's just not how I thought college would make me feel.

I wrote this earlier for my poetry class, it's unedited and it follows the Fibonacci sequence:

Some

people

lay awake

every night thinking

thoughts that do not need to be thought while they would rather

just go to sleep at a normal time for once instead of worrying about nothing.

I'm going home again this weekend. Some interesting things have been planned.
I'll hit you guys up later!
love,

loch.


ps. Those picture were taken at the university that I thought I would be at right now this time last year.


pss. WHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH this is post number 69 ;D