don't hate me

I think that it is really fucking great that there are kids out there who can quote pages from the dictionary. If you know the entire english language, all the etymologies and definitions of all the words that we've ever spoken, I think you are brilliant and I'm sure you have an incredibly high IQ and I am sure that many, many colleges will welcome you into their outstretched arms. I commend you. However, you are missing the point.
Writing a novel is not stringing together meanings. Writing books and poetry has nothing to do with loving to learn new words and to use them profusely and to prove your vocabulary before everyone else's. It is about using beautiful lies to illustrate truth. That is what telling a story boils down to.

Do not tell me what I love.
-Loch

start a war

Coffee and cigarettes are a food group.

On Friday, I almost didn't go to initiation for the sorority my roommate and I joined. I got cold feet and I called to say I wasn't going. The president called me and tried to convince me to, and I told her I would consider it. Then, I realized that if everyone was freaking out so much about me not going, I might as well go. When I called back the president to tell her I was going, she literally started crying with happiness. If there is anything I will remember for the rest of my life, it will be that, if only because it is such a beautiful example how people are wonderful.

Right now I am sitting in the office eating a muffin for breakfast at 2:31 p.m. and contemplating doing anything that might actually be considered productive. This weekend I realized that I lost something a long time ago, and I think I might have found it again. My stress has been a bit subdued, but now it comes in waves, so for a while I feel great and then suddenly my stomach is turning.

National Novel Writing Month was a fail. So are my academics.

I cannot wait for this semester to be over,

Loch. 

bright blue eyes

throwback! I'm reverting to posting lists,

things i miss

summer

spinach pizza

time for reading

my hair, this time last year

a job at a fast food establishment

evening margaritas with the wolfpack

Sex and the City marathons, ere day

that one kid from high school

driving, especially at night

early mornings

cafe bohemia

August

you

I can't stop listening to Florence's new album. You should really check it out.

Much Love,

Loch.

if they ever spoke

alone again,

I'm on the road again.

-Loch

we wave and call

I believe that the world is full of beautiful things.

Two nights ago a friend and I were talking about getting hurt, and she told me that something about me makes people comfortable, makes them understand that I don't expect much in return for friendship. It was probably one of the nicest things anyones ever said to me. 

-Loch.

I won't go.

I think that my favorite part of being alive might be becoming close with people. I love the process of bonding, the little situations that don't seem important at the time but you end up remembering, like sitting on someones lap riding shotgun and feeling really aerodynamic or waiting for people to show up to your party and watching your guy friends flop around like goofballs or sitting cross-legged outside someones apartment, talking about yoda. The people in those situations, the ones that you feel comfortable around, are the ones that make you who you are. I don't remember most of yesterday evening, but I do remember one thing that I won't let myself forget. Last night is going to end up being very important in the grand scheme of things, if I've learned anything since I moved into this apartment complex.
I think that God works in very mysterious ways.

Hope you had a good Halloweekend,
Loch.

P.s. 24 hours until nanowrimo begins- get ready for frantic updates.

hair

She paints her fingers with a close precision. He starts to notice empty bottles of gin, and take a moment to assess the sin she's paid for. A lonely speaker in a conversation, her words are swimming through his ears again: there's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you paid for. He senses something, call it desperation, another dollar, another day and if she has the proper words to say she'd tell but she'd have nothing left to sell him. Say what you mean, tell me I'm right and let the sun rain down on me. Give me a sign, I wanna believe. Mona Lisa, you're guaranteed to run this town. Mona Lisa, I'd pay to see you frown. There's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you paid for.

I will give up nothing.
-Loch.

cross my heart

What frightens me most is a lack of reason.

-Loch

hold me, distract me,

After a while, things really do change.

Wherever you found it, it's none of my business,
now wherever you go, it's not my concern.
But for a second, your attention just belonged to me,
and it passed so fast which is scratchin' off my cool. 
I'm not broken hearted, I'm just kinda pissed off.


You sang to me in a whisper, a capella,
cross-legged on andrew's bed and I,
drunk beyond my fifteen years, 
wished to be anywhere else instead,
'cause I was still terrified of you and oh,
I was to scared to dare to do,
so I slid, unsprung, off the mattress
and crumpled to the floor, and the sad fact is,
you said you were protected,
I thought you meant you had a gun.


I wonder if I'd be so good if I saw you again?
Listen, miss, you've got me,
you should've taught me such naughty things.


Going to see patrick stump tomorrow <3
-Loch

drove all this way just to say

My favorite part of the daytime are the occasions when I manage to wake up early, and I walk to class while the air is still coolish and I listen to music and I let the songs make me feel the way I did the first time I heard them. My favorite part of the nighttime is when I get back to my apartment complex and I realize that it really does feel like home.

On an entirely different note
There is a night that happened over a month ago that I would like to discuss because something that happened this weekend reminded me of it and I would like to get this all out of my system (I promise there is a moral at the end). If you know me at all there is a chance you have heard about this particular night, and if you know me well then you most certainly have because I ranted about it a shitton, particularly if you live in Austin (sorry, MC). I like to call it "the night of the akward goodbye." I don't necessarily want to go into detail about the night itself, but it was back before a lot of shit went down with my neighbors, and at the time I was hooking up with one of them on and off. Now, a disclaimer, here's my thing- I'm really, really, really, I cannot express to you how bad I am at emotional stuff and relationships, and the thing that I am worst at is "having a thing." I am horrible at it. One night stands, I'm great at! I love having no strings attached. I almost never go back for more, but when I do, I start getting confused and overanalyzing and I never know quite how to handle myself because I hate/am terrible at all the emotional bullshit that happens in the very beginning of relationships, which is probably why I've been in so few of them.
Anyway, this particular night was a milestone for this "thing" because we had hooked up three times in a row, a hat-trick, one night after the other, which never ever happens, and on this night, the fourth night, this guy and I hadn't even kissed at all and instead of hugging me goodbye, he gives me this bullshit wave and I didn't know what the fuck was going on. He didn't even actually wave his hand, it was just like a raised palm. After that, there were a few more nights and moments but the "thing" was effectively over because what the fuck, a wave? Not even a fucking hug?
The ranting isn't really the point though. What I realized tonight is that I am sick and tired of having to try and figure out what people are thinking. Please just tell me, I do not read minds. This applies to everyone, not just guys who want in my pants, but it especially applies to them, because to be straight up, if you do not want anything serious, I am okay with that. If you are not straight up, you will leave whatever girl or boy or whoever you wanna get with looking like this ---------------------------------------------------------------------->
Okay so prob not really that sad, but seriously. I love casual, or if I think your cool enough I could probably handle dating you, but you need to tell me what you want or I won't know what the fuck is going on. What I would like to say, I guess, is this- if you would like to get what you want, then you need to open your mouth and tell the person who you want to get it from. Otherwise, I guarantee that whatever "thing" you had going on will be donezo.
Thaaaaaaaaaaaaanks, OH OH OH and
I wrote a whole lot the other night, and I decided that I am going to participate in national novel writing month :)

I know I don't usually type this much but it's been a week and I missed this. I don't even know who follows this anymore, hah. I'll prob post again in the next couple of days.
hey hey hey I love you,
Loch!