you hate being alone

Sorry I was gone for so long.

Sucking on a marlboro
tan thighs from frayed denim
hair styled good from grunge,
blown wild by wind,
no semblance of sequence.
Days spent hardly justifying 
nights spent only self-indicting,
whisky stains over gross mistakes
littering laundry across speckled floor.
Soft spoken leaned against balcony bars,
disappointment glittered sarcastic,
I'm sorry.

Starting another blog was silly, this will always be my first baby.
Love you,
Loch.

the internet isn't real

http://alexandraloch.wordpress.com/

I'm still going to try to update this periodically, but from here on out it's likely that I'll be moving over to wordpress, if only because I don't understand how this new blogspot format works :p I don't wanna give classyandlit up though since it's been going for two and a half years now.

I love you, I know I'll talk to you soon,
Loch.

set fire

Disclaimer — I’m sorry if this pisses anyone off. If it does, it’s my opinion. Sorry. If it bothers you too much, you can just unfollow me, I will not be offended.

Today, I heard one of the most repulsive things that I have ever heard in my entire life. First I should start off by explaining a fiasco from last semester. I interviewed this guy who seemed really fucking weird but ultimately harmless about this modesty club he started. He’d never been to a party in his entire life and when he saw me he said he thought I’d look “more attentive” (what the fuck?), but he wasn’t rude or anything after that and he didn’t say anything too crazy so I wrote up a q&a with him and it ran on the front page. Needless to say I should have googled him, because the next day there were pictures of him on the West Mall (an area of heavy traffic on campus) holding a sign that literally said “WOMEN BELONG IN THE KITCHEN”… and he was completely serious. Turns out the asshole was a raging sexist with ridiculous backwards ideals and I’m lucky I didn’t get my ass fired after the backlash.Now that everyone’s heard that horrible memory, I can move on to something even more revolting. Today I was sitting outside at the student union eating Chick-Fil-A and reading Rosencrantz & Guidenstern for my English class when I look over and who do I fucking see but Ralph* the Sexist Asshole, with a magazine reporter (God help her). So Ralph has a friend with him this time, Chelsea*, and she sits down next to me with another reporter to talk about traditional ideals. She started off by explaining that she was more traditional than Ralph, so I obviously eavesdropped. Turns out, this girl is honest to god dropping out of UT’s pre-med program three years in because she believes that while it’s okay for women to be educated, maybe even formally, that “God didn’t intend for women to be on the same level as men.”

Everyone, just let that soak in for a second. 

This woman has the potential to be successful. She is obviously intelligent because people don’t just get in to UT’s pre-med program, and she was also pursuing a degree in liberal arts so it’s not like she’s limited mentally, which absolutely fucking baffles me because how can you honestly think that because you have a vagina, Jesus wants you to bear children and make sandwiches for the rest of your life? God help this bitches kids because lord forbid one of the girls has the good sense to want a college degree, or one of the boys wants to marry a girl with the good sense to want a college degree. Not only is she wasting thousands and thousands of her or her parents’ dollars so that she can follow “God’s will,” she’s missing a very important point — WHY WOULD GOD HAVE MADE WOMEN INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO BE ON PAR WITH MEN IF HE DIDN’T WANT US TO BE ON PAR WITH MEN. Hello, your logic is fucking flawed. 

Now, don’t get me wrong — I love God. I believe in Him, I pray, I’m in a fucking catholic sorority. But I also drink, I like boys, I have a good time, and now this girl wants me to think that among all the other things I do wrong, I can add my education to the list. I honestly think that God, the God that christians and jews and muslims and whoever else pray to, loves you and basically just wants you to love him too, and as long as you try to do the right thing and be a kind person, you are probably going to heaven, or at least purgatory which is basically just a waiting room for heaven anyway. I get that the bible has a lot of rules but frankly, God didn’t write the bible; people did. Granted he gets quoted a lot, but do you really think that all of those rules came from him? Consider the fact that it was literally 2,000 years ago and maybe, just maybe, some of those people who wrote down the bible for the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit may have just added in a couple of their own 2,000 year old ideals as well. 

Everyone’s entitled to their opinions, but it just makes me really angry and sad that there is a girl who is snuffing out a bright future because somewhere along the line asshole told her Jesus didn’t think she deserved it.

Much love,
Loch.

hey sugar

I came up with a new book idea, it'll take a year to write and it'll be done on my 21st birthday, or the day before, or the day after. It will either make me more money than I could possibly spend, or it will bring me nothing but ridicule, both malicious and non. That's all I'm telling you about it. :) Meanwhile, I'm still working on the book I was already working on, and I've been writing some poetry. Also, I bartended a party last night and it was wonderful — I cannot wait until I work in a bar over summer.

I finished reading the Old Man and the Sea today. It was the saddest in the world and it was wonderful. My first Hemingway experience was a pleasant one. I'm not sure what I'm reading next but I'm leaning towards Faulkner or Kerouac. 

Much Love,

Loch.

I run this

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo,

I have two blogs along with, of course, my facebook and twitter. There's this one, my original baby, and then my tumblr which started off as an online compilation of my work and turned into me posting writing quotes and music videos of whatever song is stuck in my head that day. I'm also considering opening a wordpress because I'm really lame and I honestly enjoy blogging that much even though no one reads any of it hahahh. That being said, I think I'm going to start doing that fancy vlogging thingie. I'm not sure what about yet? I'm also not sure when I'll start posting? I'm also not sure if it'll be interesting in the least bit? Hahh it may be really terrible, but it seems like a natural transition. 

Basically, I just want feedback on whether you want me to upload the videos to my blogspot account as well hahh. Text me or comment or whatever else if you do.

On another note, I really love Tom Stoppard. Rosencrantz and Guildensterns banter is wonderful.

Hahh, much love,

Loch.

I like it when you

Lol sorry for the drunk post last night. A culmination of several people being rude and several events not going in my favor made me a bit too annoyed.

For the record, every time I think I hate people, something small always happens to remind me exactly how much it is that I love them.

Love,
Loch.

talk dirty

I love people. I am fascinated by them.

But honestly,
there are particular times where I hate absolutely nothing more than people.

-Loch.

say you'll remember

I'm up late writing a paper and I'm having so much difficulty actually writing the paper. I cannot stop listening to Lana Del Rey. Despite everyone who hates on her, she sings some really beautiful things.
I mentioned in my last post, one of my poems is getting published in a literary journal and I'm reading it at the release event. Someone thinks something I wrote creatively is good enough to publish — I'm thrilled. This is a turning point. The thing is, though, that I submitted more than one poem, and I personally don't even like the one they chose to publish. I thought there were poems of a much higher quality that they could've chosen. Why the one I don't like? Does it mean that I don't know what's good in terms of what I produce? That my perception of my own talent is warped? Was it a fluke? The poem doesn't mean anything in particular — it's a metaphor about bitchy people that I wrote over a year ago after a friend of mine said something entirely inappropriate to the boy I was in love with. I honestly had to think to remember what even prompted my writing it. Maybe I don't realize what's worth publishing?
My horoscope today says that it will be fast-paced, which is true. I have an essay and a reading journal due at 8 a.m., another essay due at 2 p.m., class at 3:30 then a test at 5:15. I supposedly will feel mentally restless, impatient, and overly eager to get your own ideas across, which does not seem entirely farfetched.
It also says that a situation may arise which requires me to say what is on my mind, to make a decision, or to clearly voice my personal opinion on some issue. All I have to say is that I fucking hope so because it has been way too long since I've said what was on my mind and I really need an excuse. I am sorely failing at my lenten promise to be more honest, or probably more accurately, to keep less secrets.

Endless love,
Loch.

I buy my own

Sorry for the depressing last post.
Guess who has her first poetry reading on May 12th! It's at the Farmer's Market on 4th and Guadalupe in Austin from 11:30 a.m. to 1 p.m., if you're in the area, for the release of UT's 2012 issue of the Hot House Literary Journal. I'm in a really good mood right nao.
Things are looking up, I think :)

Much, Much Love, and the promise of a more substantial post very soon,
Loch.

adderall and redbull

I want to get out of here.
I want to go to Europe now. Not in a year for study abroad. Right now. I want to meet a beautiful Scottish boy who will take me to the shore and hold me when I'm cold. I want to lay on the lawn at Oxford and write wonderful, fabulous poetry that people will read in 2337. Or I want to go three years into the future when I'm in law school in Boston. I want an apartment in New York City, I want to spend a year in Paris. I want to get out of here now.
I am so absolutely frustrated.

Girls are so mean.

-Loch.